


Not Him

by theimaginesyouneveraskedfor



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Ratings might change, couple of parts, don't know exactly yet, only a short series
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-10-05 02:00:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17315966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theimaginesyouneveraskedfor/pseuds/theimaginesyouneveraskedfor
Summary: The reader has a little crush on Bucky but it’s not as much a secret as she thinks.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was going to be a one shot but it’s unfolding a bit different than intended so I think two or three parts should do the trick.

You had tried to fight it. Tried to resist the inevitable. So long spent in the presence of another either led to incurable yearning or unyielding detest. You couldn’t quite believe which had overtaken you. His blue eyes made you look away, his gaze made you blush, every word held you in awe.  _Why did he make you feel so…bubbly?_

You tore your eyes away from Bucky before he could catch you in the act of staring. He would think you plotting his murder if he saw. You hadn’t actually been drooling,  _had you?_  You cleared your throat and sat back recalling the dozen other people in the room; the drone of Tony’s voice, the interjections of his audience, the incessant buzzing of an unseen phone.

No one seemed to have noticed your momentary lapse. You exhaled slowly, your breath catching halfway as you met an unexpected pair of green irises. Loki was watching you, his forehead wrinkled in thought. You couldn’t help the telling twitch of your eyebrows at being caught. You tried to play it off, catching the dawning of a smirk at the corner of his lips before you could turn away.

 _He didn’t know. He couldn’t._ Even he knew of your deeply harboured feelings for the former Winter Soldier,  _what could he do?_  You had grown use to cutting quips. His nonchalance; every word, every step carried an air of superiority.  _Why he was a god merely trapped on Midgard until he found another planet worthy of his indulgence._

You rested your chin in your hand, trying to hide your face from the trickster. Surely his attention was long gone. You rolled your eyes and shrugged to yourself. You were imagining things. You were paranoid due to your stupid crush. _It was nothing,_  you reminded yourself. It had become your mantra since you had first notice the breathtaking blue which coloured Bucky’s eyes.  _How could you not as you stood so close to him?_

As of late, you had found yourself reconfiguring his arm far too often, but his missions had left him with decalibrated fingers and broken sensors. You had warned him to be more careful as you had other work to do in the lab. The only reason you were the one tending to his damage was because Stark refused to have more to do with him than was required and Banner used his usual excuses that he was much too busy himself.

It was awkward at first. You barely knew Bucky and he was the naturally silent and brooding type. From what you did know of him, it was expected. But then, as you were working on his hand, you had caused it to pinch you quite painfully. You had caught him chuckling at your whispered curses over your own mistake and you had found the grace to laugh too.

Then, conversation followed. He had found his voice and you yours. You would ask him about his last mission, or what he could disclose about it. And he would ask about your latest project or whatever menial task Stark had assigned you. Soon enough, he was staying beyond the time it took your to complete your repairs and the two of you were chatting about everything and anything. And then you had noticed. Your heart had skipped a beat as your mind remarked on the oceanic quality of his eyes. You had choked, covering it with a cough and turned away to neaten your work space.

_It was nothing._

The memory caused a blush to warm your cheeks. You rubbed your jaw and tried not to think about it; tried not to glance across the table at Bucky. He wouldn’t know if you did, you highly doubted he thought so often of you. If you peeked, he wouldn’t even know it.  _Don’t,_  you warned yourself.  _Don’t give in. Don’t make this complicated._

Your eyes wouldn’t listen to you though and you leaned more heavily on your arm, turning subtly to look across the table. Bucky was half-asleep as he leaned against the back of his chair and the heat of another gaze quickly drew your own.  _Why was he staring at you again?_ You frowned and swiveled your attention back to the front, trying not to let Loki bother you. Him and his irksome smirk.

The rest of the meeting you spent desperately trying to ignoring your guilty thoughts and the constant shadow of Loki’s gaze looming over you. You were too embarrassed to peek and see if he was still looking. A third glance would be far too much. You furrowed your brow, trying to discern Stark’s words through the clutter of your own mind and finally, you were dismissed.

You stood slowly, pushing yourself to your feet with the table. You subconsciously looked across the table as Steve jabbed Bucky’s shoulder, waking him from the cat nap he had succumbed to. You smiled to yourself but it quickly died as a blur of green once more distracted you. Loki was still sitting, leaning back smugly with arms crossed as he observed you. This time, you openly scowled back at him and turned away. You stomped from the room before his grin could grow any bigger. You wanted no part in his mischief.

In the hallway, you waited for others to pass in the rush to get away from the stuffy conference room. You pressed yourself against the wall as Vision swept by with Wanda at his side. You were jolted as you felt a warmth against your arm. You looked over as Bucky leaned next to you, his blue eyes following the train of Avengers departing for their respective duties.

“You awake?” You kidded as you looked up at him.

“Not really,” He yawned into his metal hand. “You?”

“Barely,” You smiled, pushing yourself further into the wall as Loki appeared in the doorway, thankfully following his brother in the other direction.

“Guess I won’t be seeing you for a couple weeks,” He said, “You’ll be happy for that. Actually get some work done.”

“Why’s that?” You asked, trying to conceal your disappointment.

“I may have been sleeping but I was listening, Y/N,” He reproached, “Me, Steve, and Nat are off to a yet to be disclosed location for a while. Some warlord or another is stirring up trouble.”

“Right,” You knew you should have paid better attention. “Well, at least come back with that thing,” You pointed to his arm, “Intact.”

“No promises,” He kicked himself away from the wall and stood straight, “But, be it irreparable or otherwise, I’ll be coming to see you.”

“Oh?” Your brows drew together as you gaped like a fish.

“If that’s okay?” He said, suddenly doubtful, “Thought maybe, I don’t know, you’d want to get together outside the lab? Um,” He rubbed his neck and looked down the hallway shyly, “I’m bad at this. I used to be kinda smooth but yeah, are you…interested?”

“Uhhhhhhh,” You were half-dazed as you tried to decipher his offer.  _Was it a date? Or was it just a friendly hangout?_  You were just as bad as he was at this. “Sure, we can, uh, watch a movie or something?”

“Yeah, a movie,” He chimed, “Great idea.”

“So I guess that’s a…plan,” You clapped your hands together awkwardly, trying to contain yourself.

“Sure, we’ll figure out the details when I get back then,” He smiled, exhaling as if relieved, “So, uh, see you, um, then.”

He awkwardly clapped your shoulder before stutter stepping past you. You tilted your head as you watched him go. You couldn’t tell if the tension between you was the right kind. You shook your head at yourself as you went over the exchange once more.  _Could have been any more oblivious?_ It was almost painful to be you.

You cringed and forced yourself away from the wall. You were just going to crawl back to the lab and mull in the maelstrom of embarrassment and elation. You were going to watch a movie with Bucky and yet, you couldn’t imagine it going much better than your last interaction. You were suddenly and entirely under-prepared.

“Well, that was thoroughly entertaining,” Loki’s voice cemented your fears as he stepped out from behind the next corner.

You sighed and growled at him. You rolled your eyes and made to pass by him. As you did he chuckled, his green eyes a weight on your shoulders. “You Midgardians are so simple.”

“Would you fuck off,” You stopped and turned on him. “I didn’t ask your opinion and I surely didn’t ask you to eavesdrop. Why exactly would you be so interested anyhow?”

“This planet is rather boring so I must find ways to amuse myself,” He slithered, “In Asgard, we had fools at court none so delightful as you, dear.”

You stone-faced him, shaking your head as you swiveled back to your path. It wasn’t worth to argue with him. All Loki ever wanted to do was torture others. He revelled in the little ways he could make others squirm. Once Thor had grown ambivalent to his antics, he had been searching for a new mark. It seemed you were the latest to catch his eye. At least it might keep you distracted from Bucky’s upcoming absence, though you would have preferred a more enjoyable diversion.

* * *

It had been two and half weeks since Bucky had left. You hadn’t meant to count but life was a little emptier in the absence of not only him but Steve and Nat as well. Steve often visited the lab to speak with Stark and Nat bothered you every now and again for girl talk. She liked to complain about Wanda’s lovesickness and the overpopulation of males among her team. It was a welcome respite from long hours of work. But now, all you did was work.

It was late and both Banner and Stark had already left for the night. It was unusual for you to be the last in laboratory but you hadn’t been sleeping well as of late. You couldn’t place it but it was as if there was a presence in your room; something hiding in the dark. It was those old childhood ghosts come back to haunt you. That there was a monster unseen, lurking just beyond your vision.

Alas, it was nothing.

At least, when you turned on the lights, your room was vacant and all was as it should be. You tried not to think about it you rearranged the microscopic fuses beneath the lens, aligning them so that they could be fit into a simple locket. Stark only ever wanted his gadgets smaller and smaller. It was starting to give you a headache squinting day in and day out.

A sudden knock on the glass behind you caused your tweezers to clatter to the table and you swore as you pulled away from the microscope. Your heart was racing and you spun around in your chair, ready to sight the beast who had been hiding in your closet. It was only Bucky.

 _Wait, it was Bucky!_ You jumped up from your chair and waved at him, a smile blooming against your will. He smiled back and went to the door. You were still in disbelief as he entered; as unexpected as a storybook monster beneath your bed.

“You’re back?” You asked.

“I am,” He answered smugly, “Early. Or late, depending on how you look at it.” He glanced around the empty lab.

“Yeah, uh,” You followed his gaze, “Just trying to get caught up on some stuff.”

“Does that mean you’re too busy for that movie?” He wondered.

“Aren’t you tired?” You asked, “You’ve been on the road for almost three weeks–”

“You counting the days?” He interjected. His uncharacteristic hubris was off-putting.

“N-no,” You stammered, “I guess I could call it a day.”

“Great,” He was rather close to you.

You hadn’t noticed him inching so near to you. You turned to tidy up your work space before you could think too much of it. You tucked your toolkit away and shut down your computer as Bucky leaned against the table beside you, metal fingers tapping on the edge as he waited.

“Alright,” You fought back a yawn, “Do you know what you want to watch?”

“Not really. I don’t watch much these days,” He said as you led him to the door. He reached around you to hold the door for you. “Lady’s choice.”

“Okay,” You nodded, “Uh, where exactly were we watching this movie?”

“Hadn’t really thought about it. We could use the lounge or maybe…your room?”

“Well, I guess my room is closer,” You offered, “But the seating is limited.”

“That’s fine with me,” He smiled over at you, “All I desire is your company.”

“Alrighty,” You agreed, sounding like an idiot as all you could blurt out was the cartoonish remark.

You walked the rest of the way searching for something to say but your mind was blank. You kept peeking out the corner of your eye at Bucky and trying to stifle the thunder in your chest. You opened your door and waved him inside. You searched for your remote, hidden behind your television as you listened to his soft footsteps. He was rather stealthy for his size. You turned back to find him sat on one side of your bed, his arm across the headboard. “Lots of room,” He gestured to the empty space beside him.

You gave a half-smile and slowly crossed to him, your nerves flurrying like a blizzard as you settled in on the bed. You pressed the power button and instinctively searched out Netflix.  _Oh my god, were going to Netflix and Chill with Bucky Barnes or had you fallen asleep in the lab?_   _This had to be a dream, right?_

“Um, here’s a new movie,” You said, your voice shriller than usual. “Do you like comedies?”

“Sure, I’ll watch whatever,” His voice was low and you could sense him watching you. You hoped he couldn’t see you sweat because you were feeling the heat.

“Okay,” You clicked on the suggestion and set aside the remote.

The opening credits began and you tried to focus on the screen. Bucky’s arm slipped down onto your shoulder as the first scene began and even subtitles couldn’t have helped you keep track of the dialogue. You couldn’t help but relish the feeling of his arm around you and you leaned into him without thinking. It was barely twenty minutes in before you felt his breath rustle your hair and you looked up to find his eyes intent on you.

“I have no idea what this movie is about,” He rasped as he leaned closer.

“Me either,” You admitted as you watched him get closer, his lips brushing against yours before the gap was finally closed.

His kiss was firm and grew deeper as you returned it in kind. You couldn’t help but let the long-harboured yearning take over you. This felt all too real to be a dream. This was real and it felt exactly as you had imagined it. You finally forced yourself to part from his lips to take a breath but as you pulled away, you were shocked to find that Bucky’s blue eyes had turned emerald.

You sat up so sharply you found yourself falling off the edge of the bed. Loki was sat on your bed in place of Bucky. His dark hair was tousled from your embrace and a triumphant grin curled his lips. You were shaking as you stared up at him in shock and humiliation. This wasn’t real, it was all a cruel trick.

“Out,” You whispered, struggling to find your voice. “Get out,” You spoke louder as you got to your feet, your entire body trembling. “Loki, how could you?”

You raced to the en suite bathroom before your tears could fall, before the trickster could rise from the bed and stop you. You slammed the door and locked it, leaning against it as you hid your face in your hands.  _You were such an idiot._ You had wanted Bucky to like you so much that you would have believed anything. You should have known it wasn’t him; he had been too nonchalant; too adamant.

“Y/N,” You heard Loki’s voice through the door; close enough that he was likely right on the other side. “I–”

“You achieved what you wanted,” You spat, “Okay? I’m thoroughly humiliated. You can go now.”

“No, I didn’t mean–Y/N, you misunderstand, this isn’t meant to be…that,” He was the most uncertain you had heard him. Almost vulnerable.

“What was it then? You pretend to be him,” You hissed. Your eyes were burning and your throat was tight.

Silence followed and you listened for Loki’s departure but no footsteps sounded. You could sense him still, just outside the door. You heard him sigh and felt the door shift as he leaned against it.

“I didn’t know how else to talk to you,” His voice was softer, repentant, “And I saw you talking to that super soldier and I thought…Well, you never look at me that way.”

“Why would I?” You snapped. “You’re…you. You do shit like this for kicks.”

“No, no, it’s not a trick. I just…wanted to be close to you.”

“I thought you were Bucky, Loki,” You balled your hand into a fist as you spoke through gritted teeth, “Otherwise, I would never be alone in the same room as you. You’re despicable!”

“I’m…” He paused and you felt the tears pricking. “…Sorry.”

“No, you’re not,” You said, struggling not to let your hurt show through in your voice, “Go away.”

His reply was another prolonged silence. This time, however, it was followed by his footsteps. As you heard your bedroom door open and close, you slid down to the floor and pulled your knees to your chest. You hung your head and let the salty drops trickle down your cheeks. It would be another sleepless night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is Loki's side of the story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part will be on Tumblr tomorrow, so this is a special early posting on Ao3. As always, comments and feedbacks are appreciated!!!!

**Loki’s POV**

Loki hated these meetings. If it wasn’t for Thor’s incessant pestering, he’d be happily in his room reading a book.  _Alone_. Whenever he was in the presence of these ‘Avengers’, his displacement was made ever more obvious. His brother insisted he was one of them now but he knew if it wasn’t for the kinship between the Asgardians, he’d not be permitted on the same planet, let alone the same tower.

* * *

 

He leaned back in his chair, tuning out the droning voice of Stark. Very few seemed to be actually listening to the man. Loki’s green eyes scanned the expanse of the table, the movement of another drawing them to a focus. Y/N was dreamily gazing over at him, her doe like eyes lured an unwitting smile from him.  _Alas_ , he realized,  _she wasn’t looking at him._

He glanced over at the man at his other shoulder. The soldier with the metal arm was failing to hide his disinterest, his breath slowing as he succumbed to the tedium of the meeting. Y/N was watching him, fawning over him as she herself ignored the words of their leader. Loki’s smile faded but not entirely before he met the eyes of Y/N. Her eyes dimmed and she steeled herself before evasively turning away.

Loki tapped his fingers on the tabletop and narrowed his eyes at Bucky once more. The dolt.  _How could she look at such a dimwit with so much unadulterated delight?_ He caught himself before his thoughts could darken further and blanched, his forehead wrinkling. _What did he care?_

He barely knew her. She was too shy, always flitting away like a dormouse whenever he spoke to her. When he passed the lab where she worked, he would see her eyes glued to the floating screen, rapt on whatever latest gadget she was working on. She didn’t notice him then either. Just on the other side of the glass, always distracted by something, or rather, someone else.

He was looking at her again. He hadn’t realized it and that dumb smile had returned to his face. She had turned to look across the table at the soldier but again, she was caught. And so was he. She scowled and swung back around, returning her attention to where it was needed. She sat stiffly, doing her best to hide her face from him.

Loki looked at the back of Bucky’s head, rubbing his chin as he thought.  _What did she see in him?_ He was quiet and brooding, standoffish even. At least, to Loki he had never done more than grumble and he hid behind his cotton-headed blond friend. The two valiant soldiers; ever righteous. 

_And who was he but a villain in sheep’s clothing?_

He felt a nudge as he sensed the table erupt in movement. Thor’s sharp poke brought Loki back to reality. He stood, turning away as Steve woke his dozing friend. He felt a pang. A familiar sensation deep in his chest; envy. Bucky had been as antagonistic as he and yet, he was not treated as such. He was accepted; respected; admired. Loki shook his head and followed Thor out before he could think of looking for Y/N.

He was surprised when he found her anyway. She was against the wall in the hallway, the soldier was already there, just beside her. She was smiling and so was he. She was hard to see on the other side of him but he could hear her voice. Loki slumped his soldiers and followed Thor, hiding the grimace on his face behind his stiff collar.

He felt a force holding him back as they rounded the corner. The pit in his stomach a stone weighing him down. “I’ll catch up to you,” Loki said to his brother suddenly, “I’m going to grab a book.”

“Right,” Thor turned as he continued down the hall, “You and your books, brother. Our mother would be proud.”

“And if you ever picked one up, she’d have been astounded,” Loki returned slyly.

Thor chuckled and carried on away from his brother. Loki waited till he was out of sight and kept close to the wall, listening to the voices just around the corner.

“I may have been sleeping but I was listening, Y/N,” Bucky said, “Me, Steve, and Nat are off to a yet to be disclosed location for a while. Some warlord or another is stirring up trouble.”

“Right,” Y/N answered cluelessly. “Well, at least come back with that thing,” She gave a brief pause, “Intact.”

“No promises,” He heard subtle movement, “But, be it irreparable or otherwise, I’ll be coming to see you.”

“Oh?” The woman stuttered out one syllable. Loki’s breath caught. _Was this how Midgardians initiated courting?_

“If that’s okay?” Bucky’s voice grew higher with each word.  _How weak these humans were_. “Thought maybe, I don’t know, you’d want to get together outside the lab? Um,I’m bad at this. I used to be kinda smooth but yeah, are you...interested?”

“Uhhhhhhh,”  _Was that reluctance? Doubt? No, it was disbelief._  The kind you get when you’re sure you’re dreaming. When it’s all too good to be true. Not that life had ever been very good to Loki. Always the second choice. “Sure, we can, uh, watch a movie or something?”

“Yeah, a movie,” Bucky agreed, “Great idea.”

“So I guess that’s a...plan,” A small clap followed the gleeful words..

“Sure, we’ll figure out the details when I get back then,” The soldier let out a sigh of relief, “So, uh, see you, um, then.”

Loki’s nose passed the corner as he peered into the next hallway. Bucky awkwardly clapped Y/N’s shoulder before retreating in the other direction. Loki watched Y/N as she watched the soldier walk away. She shook her head and leaned against the wall heavily.

Her face crinkled and she kicked herself away from the wall. She began down the hallways towards him and he stepped out, replacing his veneer. If he couldn’t have her admiration, he’d still make her squirm.

“Well, that was thoroughly entertaining,” Loki greeted her.

She growled and rolled her eyes at him. It was an entrancing gesture. She looked so adorable when she was annoyed. Loki chuckled at the play of emotions across her face; she was transparent and yet entirely puzzling.  

“You Midgardians are so simple.” He teased as she made to step past him.

“Would you fuck off,” She ground to halt and turned to him; her eyes were so rich and deep.  “I didn’t ask your opinion and I surely didn’t ask you to eavesdrop. Why exactly would you be so interested anyhow?”

“This planet is rather boring so I must find ways to amuse myself,” He kept his tone light, not wanting to betray his sudden anxiety.  _Why couldn’t he just be nice?_  “In Asgard, we had fools at court none so delightful as you, dear.”

She huffed and her face turned stony, stomping away before he could say anything further. He watched her go and felt as if he had been kicked in the chest.  _Why had he done that?_  He wasn’t mad at her, he was mad at that super soldier for getting to her first. Mad at himself for being such an ass.

 _Fuck, he was such a fool._ Mooning over some Midgardian.

* * *

 

Loki was dreading the day Bucky returned. He tried not to think about it and yet, his repressed feelings grew ever more omnipresent. Before, it had been but chance meetings. Little run-ins. Words here and there. He thought it was for his own selfish amusement that he had quipped at the woman, but now he realized he had sought her out. And now that another showed their interest, he felt as if he had been robbed.

He was walking the halls aimlessly, trapped in his boredom and realized only too late where his feet had carried him. He shoved his hands in the pockets of his forest green jacket and stopped before the window, looking in at Y/N bent over her work. The guilt crept along his cheeks, burning his flesh. It wasn’t the first time he had watched her. Not the first time she had unknowingly been the centre of his universe. Yet, it only served to deepen his obsession; confirm to him he was entirely fucked up.

He tilted his head as he considered his offenses against the girl. What he could do to make amends.  _Was there any way he could make her see him as more than just a trickster?_

Then a wicked thought crossed his mind. It was less than virtuous and he was certain it would only seal his fate. It was wrong. But he had never been a stranger to deception; rather skilled, actually. He could make Y/N look at her as she did Bucky. Especially if he were Bucky.

His heart hammered in his chest, his eyes cleared as he focused on the glass, the outline of his reflection. Slowly, the shades of green faded, his eyes turned cerulean, his arm to metal, his skin took on a new lustre, he was a few inches shorter but much sturdier than before. He smiled at his new reflection and winked.  _Oh, he should not do this._

It was too late. She knew he was there. He could tell by the stiffness in her shoulders. He raised his hand and knocked on the glass, smiling as she was frightened and turned in surprise. Her face bloomed in a smile, like the spring after the snows. She stood and waved back. He swept over to the door and entered before he lost his nerve.

“You’re back?” She stared at him in awe.  _What would happen if he dropped the glamour then and there?_

“I am,” He answered. He still sounded too much like himself. “Early. Or late, depending on how you look at it.” He eyed the empty lab, trying to seem casual.

“Yeah, uh, just trying to get caught up on some stuff,” She explained.

“Does that mean you’re too busy for that movie?” He asked looking back to her. She was too giddy to deny him.

“Aren’t you tired?” She replied with poorly hidden anxiety. “You’ve been on the road for almost three weeks--”

“You counting the day?” He smiled.  _Shit, he was still too arrogant._

“N-no,” She stuttered as he neared her. The lights in her lab highlighted her best features. “I guess I could call it a day.”

“Great,” He was so close to her, his blood was on fire. He watched as she nervously turned and neatened her desk. He set his artificial hand on its edge and tapped his fingers, his own nerves rising.

“Alright,” She stood straight, “Do you know what you want to watch?”

“Not really,” He answered smoothly. All he ever did was read. “I don’t watch much these days.” He followed her as she made her way to the door. He reached around her, his chest almost touching her, and opened the door. “Lady’s choice.”

“Okay.” She nodded, “Uh, where exactly were we watching this movie?” Shit. He couldn’t pick the lock to Bucky’s room in front of her.

“Hadn’t really thought about it. We use the lounge or maybe…” He was trying not to push it but that little voice inside of him always won. “Your room?”

“Well, I guess my room is closer,” She said, “But the seating is limited.”

“That’s fine with me,” He smiled. He couldn’t believe he had gotten this far. “All I desire is your company.”

“Alrighty,” She agreed. It was rather cute how her voice rose with her emotions.

It was silent as they walked. He could sense her looking at him.  _Did she know?_ She opened her bedroom door and beckoned him in. He entered slowly, watching her as she fiddled around by her television. He lowered himself onto the bed and wriggled across to sit against the headboard. He draped his arm across the other side, waiting for her to turn around.

“Lots of room,” He pointed towards the empty spot beside him. She smiled as if in a daze and crossed to the bed, sitting beside him. Her sudden warmth next to him was overwhelmed and he resisted the urge to bring his arm over her shoulders and pull her closer. She turned on the television and continued to press buttons.

“Um, here’s a new movie. Do you like comedies?” She was so quiet it was endearing.

“Sure, I’ll watch whatever,” He said, trying to sound normal as he stared at her, unable to look away.

“Okay,” She clicked a button and retired the remote, clasping her hands over her lap.

Her warmth was intoxicating and he inched closer, sensing her relax as she let herself settle in. She unclenched her hands and he let his arm slip down over her shoulder, inhaling the scent of her lavender shampoo. She leaned closer and he was ready to explode. She looked up at him, her eyes fiery.

“I have no idea what this movie is about,” He admitted.

“Me either,” She turned her face up and he pressed his lips to hers.

Her lips were so soft he couldn’t help himself. He held her against him, sinking into her as he lost sense of his reality. He felt the glamour fall but he didn’t care but for the pleasure in his arms. He was out of breath as she parted and he recalled his mistake. Her mouth fell open and she sat up so violently she tumbled onto the floor. She was trembling as she gaped at him, hurt filled her eyes and tugged at the corners of her lips.

“Out,” She rasped as she struggled to her feet. “Get out. Loki, how could you?”

She spun around, tripping over her own feet as she raced towards her bathroom. He swallowed and the shame hit him like lightning. He slowly made his way across the bed and stood. He approached the door, his hand against it as he listened to the wood.

“Y/N,” He said, “I-”

“You achieved what you wanted,” She spat, “Okay? I’m thoroughly humiliated. You can go now.”

“No, I didn’t mean--Y/N, you misunderstand, this isn’t meant to be...that.”  _What had he done? Oh gods._

“What was it then?” She hissed. “You pretended to be him.

He didn’t know what to say. It was as if she had slapped him. His hand slid down the door and he sighed, leaning against it heavily. “I didn’t know how else to talk to you, and I saw you talking to that super soldier and I thought...well, you never look at me that way.”

“Why would I? You’re...you. You do shit like this for kicks.” He heard the strain in her voice and he hated himself.

“No, no, it’s not a trick,” He pled, “I just wanted to be close to you.”

“I thought you were Bucky, Loki,” She spoke angrily, “Otherwise, I would never be alone in the same room as you. You’re despicable.!”

“I’m...sorry.”

“No, you’re not. Go away.” She ordered.

He blinked in shock and self-loathing. She was right, he was despicable. He slowly parted from the door and backed away numbly. He neared the door to the hall and looked back. He just couldn’t could help himself. He  _was_  a trickster afterall.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky returns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep saying this won’t be a long series but as it goes, I’m really sure because it’s kind of carrying on beyond my intentions. Anyhow, I’m still thinking at maximum, it will be as long as Off Duty (Provocateur series) which was like nine parts. Be that as it may, feedback would help a lot, as this fic keeps twisting and turning in my head and it would for sure help me determine where the hell it’s all going. So thank you for reading, thank you for any and all comments, and enjoy!

You spent the next week hiding from Loki, not that you ran into him all that often anyhow. You stayed in the lab or even worked in your room to avoid him. You hadn’t told anyone of his trick, and why would you? It was utterly humiliating. It had just proved to you that you were foolish to have developed a crush on Bucky. There were so many reasons it would never happen.

As you read through Stark’s latest schematics, you leaned back and spun in your chair, keeping your eyes on the paper. It was only early afternoon but you had only an hour before Tony started quizzing you on the documents. Your eyes were drawn by movement through the window. You audibly gasped as you saw a trio talking in the hallway.

Bucky, Steve, and Nat were all disheveled and seemingly exhausted, but it didn’t keep them from chattering outside the lab. They must have finally returned. Your chest seized and you dropped the booklet, scrambling to catch it before it hit the floor. When it did, your fight or flight kicked in and you thought of hiding beneath the table but tangled up in panic, you fell forward, taking the chair with you as you landed in a loud crash.

You were about to start crying again as you laid face down, praying you hadn’t been observed in your disaster. The door assured you otherwise and the three pairs of footsteps that surrounded you sealed your fate. “Y/N?” Bucky said, “Are you okay?” You felt a tug on both arms as each super soldier took you by your elbows and helped you back to your feet.

“Fine,” Your face was on fire, “Just clumsy is all. I--I dropped my papers and well, it just happened so fast.”

“So it did,” Nat smiled and you bit your lip in shame.

“Heh, yeah, well I should get back to work and you guys should probably get some rest,” You slipped away from Steve and Bucky to pick up your booklet.

“We probably should. Buck, get that arm looked at first,” Steve ordered; his title as Captain was well-earned.

“Yes, sir,” Bucky saluted playfully and Steve punched his right shoulder.

“The two of you,” Nat shook her head, “I’m definitely glad to be home.”

Natasha wasted no time in leaving and Steve yawned and followed lazily, though Bucky made no move to go. He instead pulled up a chair and sat in his usual spot. You noticed their was black liquid seeping from his metal bicep and you reluctantly rolled your own chair over to him. You tossed aside the booklet and sat down, reaching for your kit.

“What did I tell you before you left?” You said with exasperation. “I really don’t have time for this.”

“Grumpy, are we?” He rebuffed, “Did you miss me that much?”

You looked up from your kit and eyed him closely.  _Was it really Bucky?_   _Yet another charade staged by Loki?_ You swallowed as you examined Bucky’s features, trying to stare through him. He squirmed and brushed his hair behind his ear, his eyes searching with confusion.

“Gee, Y/N, are you okay?” He asked, “It was only a joke, you know?”

“Yeah, yeah,” You backed off and took out your calibration meter, “I’m...fine. Sorry, I’m just a bit stressed out.” He raised his hand, knowing the usual steps to your evaluation. You scanned each finger and worked your way up his arm. “So how was your mission?”

“Long,” He grumbled. You could feel him watching you and you avoided returning his gaze. “Were you still interested in spending some time together? Movie night?”

“You sure you’re up for it?” You asked as you looked to your screen, swiping through his results, “You seem tired.”

“So do you,” He remarked, “But I don’t mind falling asleep on you if you don’t.”

You scrunched up your lips as you thought. This seemed like the real Bucky and Steve and Nat hadn’t shown any suspicious behaviour. If this was Loki, this time you’d just give him the smack he deserved. Besides, you couldn’t let him win so easily.

“Sure, I think maybe that’s just what I need. “ You relented, “I have some stuff to finish first, not least of all this arm, and then I should be free.”

“Gives me time to get cleaned up,” He smiled. No one could fake that smile. “How about the lounge at eight?”

“I can do eight,” You smiled back and began wiping the grime from his arm so that you could work. You knew it was metal but you always tried to be gentle with him. It was, after all, a part of him. “Now, let’s get this thing working before sparks start flying.”

* * *

 

You were confident that you had made a date with the real Bucky but you were determined not to make the same mistake again. Viewing the movie in the lounge was best. Your bedroom still felt tainted. Even when you were alone, you felt as if you were being watched; stalked, even. Loki had ruined it all for you, even the rush of your long-awaited date as all you felt was a shudder of nausea as you readied yourself for the night.

Nothing special: a change of clothes, a brush through your hair, a little mascara, some lip gloss. Subtle enough to seem casual, noticeable enough to boost your spirits.  _This was it! Was it?_  You stared in the mirror, your hand frozen in midair as you stopped twisting the lid of the tube of gloss. You dreaded another trick but your hour of working on Bucky’s arm was enough proof that it was genuine.

 _Ugh,_  Loki had ruined it all. He had made you paranoid; scared even. The burn of humiliation returned to your cheeks and you tossed the gloss onto the side table.  _Don’t be stupid, be cool. Why were you so goddamn anxious?_  It truly was Bucky and you were just watching a movie. Don’t force it like last time-- _Last time! Oh, god._  Your stomach roiled and you turned away from the mirror before you could cringe at yourself.

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” You assured yourself, taking a deep breath as you slid your feet into a pair of flats. “Forget about  _him_.”

You pulled open the door before you could talk yourself into making an excuse and flaking on the whole date. You clutched your phone in one hand as you walked. You would make some popcorn first and tidy up the shared space to calm your nerves. The lounge was always such a mess as these Avengers came and went without so much as tossing out their trash.

The lounge door was open as it usually was and you swept in, grumbling at the candy wrappers and empty can beside the sofa. You stomped across the room and set down your phone, gathering up the garbage. You heard a stifled gasp and a subsequent shatter of glass across the tile of the small kitchenette on the opposite wall. You turned, having not noticed the other occupant as you were so set on creating the perfect, or at least, tidy atmosphere.

Loki paled, somehow more than his usual alabaster. He visibly gulped as his eyes met yours and widened in surprise. You weren’t sure who had scared the other more. He looked down at the cup of tea he had dropped, spatters of it up the leg of his pants and the toe of his right boot.

“Gods,” He uttered and waved his hand, the spill mopping itself up and the mug reassembling into its former structure. He bent and picked it up, rinsing it in the sink as he forced his back to you. His shoulders were set with a tension so taut, you were surprised his head didn’t pop off. He placed the mug in the dish rack with a sigh.

“S-sorry, I’m so careless.” He said as he began towards the door. He stopped himself, turning with visible strain on his heel. He raised his hand, a finger in the air as his thoughts swirled behind his green eyes. “Y/N, I really am--”

“Woah!” The exclamation silenced Loki and he was nearly bowled over by another. A metal hand caught his upper arm as he awkwardly struggled to keep his balance and Bucky chuckled. “Sorry,” He chimed, “I didn’t expect you to be standing there. You okay?”

Loki shrugged off his hand as he turned to Bucky. Even from his backside, you could tell the Asgardian was looking down his long nose at the super soldier. “Not at all,” He slithered with distaste, “I was just leaving.”

“Right, well,” Bucky stepped aside to let Loki through, “Have a good one.”

Loki grunted in response and rushed from the room darkly. Bucky watched him with raised brows before turning back to the room, stepping back inside and nearly tripping as he spotted you. “You’re here!”

“I am,” You smiled, realizing you were still holding a clutter of trash, “I figured I’d clean up before you got here.”

“Ha, I was planning on the same thing,” He chuckled, “Here,” He crossed to you and took the garbage from your hands, “Why don’t you get the movie going and I’ll tidy and make some popcorn.”

“Uh, okay,” You smiled like a dope as you watched him cross to the kitchenette and dump the wrappers and can into the bin. You turned on the television and opened Netflix on your phone, syncing them as you listened to the microwave door shut.

“Which button is it?” Bucky asked after a moment of silence.

You stood and neared him, pointing to the pre-programmed popcorn button. He shook his head and pressed it, leaning on the counter as he turned to you. “So what are we watching?”

“I was just going to ask you that,” You nearly sang. The crawling of your skin had turned to butterflies and you were almost light-headed standing so close to him. “I was debating if I should go for a movie you would know or something in colour.”

“Hey,” He squinted at you playfully, “We had technicolour…”

“I know,” You teased, “Well, how about...The Breakfast Club! Oh, it’s a classic and I’m fairly certain you won’t have seen it.”

“Is it about breakfast or something?” He tilted his head.

“Not exactly,” You cast the movie to the television and paused, “But it’s fun.”

“Alright, I trust your judgment,” The microwave beeped and he took out the bag with his metal hand, unfazed by the hot paper bag. You grabbed a bowl and held it out as he opened the popcorn and poured it in. He waved you ahead of him and you led him to the couch, sitting beside you as you settled in. You hit play and watched the credits, desperate not to let the beating of your heart get the best of you.

You were so worked up, you only had a handful of kernels and Bucky had easily eaten most of the rest. You set aside the bowl as you focused on the screen. You weren’t really hearing the dialogue but you had seen the movie so many times, you could have recited the lines yourself. You felt movement beside you as Bucky shifted closer. You let him, trying not to think of the last time you had been in such a position. When it hadn’t really been him.

Your mind cleared for a moment as you watched the screen, chuckling at the corny 80s teenage angst. You felt a heat radiating from beside you and looked up into Bucky’s shining blue eyes. “You should smile more,” He said.

“What? I smile,” You protested.

“Not enough. You always look so angry when you’re working on my arm,” He mused.

“Well, that’s because you never listen when I tell you not to break it,” You chided, your cheeks hurt for the smile you couldn’t hold back.

“Hmm,” He chuckled, bringing his hand up to touch your cheek, tracing the line of your jaw, “You’re funny...and cute.”

“Uh…” You giggled like a schoolgirl, realizing all too late that he was leaning in.

His lips met yours and a burst of tingling erupted from within you. You kissed him back, his hand cradling your face as he drew you closer. The real thing was even better than that nasty trick Loki had pulled on you. The thought of which turned your stomach once more into a pit. You tried to enjoy the embrace of Bucky’s warmth but it was too hot, you could feel the sweat along your neck. Your hands were trembling against your will and your eyes shot open.

You pulled back, nearly falling off the couch. Bucky gaped at you, guilt twisting his features. He was still Bucky, it wasn’t Loki, you assured yourself. You touched your chest, fighting to calm yourself. “I’m so sorry, Y/N,” He said, “I didn’t--”

“No, no,” You reached over and touched his hand, “It’s not you...I just. I’m sorry, I don’t know what that was.”

“Are you okay?” He turned his hand and squeezed yours gently. “You’re shaking.”

“Yeah, yeah,” You assured him, “I--I’m fine.”

“Look, let’s slow it down,” He offered, pulling you closer, “We’ll just watch the movie.”

“Okay,” You squeaked, nestling closer into his side as his arm fell around you, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” He hugged you tighter, “I understand. This is the first date I’ve had in over seventy years.”

You smiled and laughed quietly at his joke, your heart calming to a bearable rate. “Thank you,” You said quietly and he caressed your arm comfortingly.

“Hey, watching a movie with a pretty gal isn’t so bad,” He teased, “Not bad at all.”

You brought your hands up and held your cheeks, trying to focus on the movie and the man beside you. You were so embarrassed and so angry. Loki had gotten in your head and you had almost spoiled it all. You cursed him in your head, hiding the wince which rose within you, keeping your eyes to the screen.

_That damned trickster!_


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki struggles with his feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is another chapter from Loki’s perspective but I don’t know if there will be many more beyond the reader’s POV. But I am really enjoying this series and hope this holds you over until the next :) Comment, kudos, share, suscribe to give it a boost and let me now what I’m doing right, wrong, or weird, lol. Again thanks to everyone, <3

**Loki’s POV**

The next few weeks dragged on. Loki forced himself to stay away from the Midgardian, both out of shame and guilt. He couldn’t believe he had lost control of himself. He had let his foolish emotions takeover and that never led to anything good. Whenever he closed his eyes, all he could see was the look of hurt on Y/N’s face. The pain he had caused her. That fact hurt him more than anything.

And yet, he still found himself outside her lab on occasion. When his mind would not let him focus on his current book and he walked the corridors out of tedium. His feet always took him there and he he would stand at the window and watch her until she sensed his presence. He was never there when she looked; his timing was impeccable. She could play it off as her imagination or even paranoia, all the while he could lose himself in her tresses, admiring her from afar.

 _That was as close as he’d ever get,_ he mourned on another of his wanderings. He had ruined any sliver of a chance he had hoped for with the Midgardian. That this hurt him so angered and confounded him.  _Why had he grown so attached to a woman he barely knew?_  What he knew of her he had only observed. Her kindness had never been for  _him,_  her smile never from  _his_  words, and her intelligence never offered to  _him_.

Why, he didn’t exist in her world, yet she had become all of his.

He rounded the same corner he did everyday, the one which he knew he should avoid. It was only then that he noticed the voices. He ground to a halt, dodging back before he could disturb the trio before him. He pressed himself against the wall and listened, their voices pausing and he wondered if he had been sighted. The lab door opened and closed and their voices were muffled by the pane of glass. He sighed in relief.

A few moments later, two sets of footsteps re-emerged and he could guess at the third who had remained. He poked his nose around the corner and watched the short blond and taller super soldier as they disappeared into the next watch hallway. Slowly, Loki tiptoed nearer to the window, peering through into the lab. The second super soldier sat at the table, his metallic arm visibly damaged and leaking oily black. He smiled as Y/N examined him, wiping clean the gritty vibranium.

She smiled back at him as they spoke and Loki felt an icy tingle in his veins. He stepped away from the glass and headed back to the corner. His heart was beating so furiously and his head was spinning. His nails were digging into his palms and he could barely breathe. He stormed down the hallway, his jacket whipping through the air as a low growl came from within him.

He had to stop himself outside his chamber, quelling his anger as he steadied his breathing only to be drowned in a sudden melancholy. He had always known he was alone in this tower, but it had never been more apparent that in that moment. His cheek twitched and he pushed back his shoulders, turning the handle with a sullen sigh.

“Brother,” Thor’s booming greeting caught him offhand. He was quick to hide his sorrow, shooting his usual disinterested sneer. “Where have you been? I knocked for ages before I figured out you weren’t in.”

“And so you trespass?” Loki challenged, sitting on the edge of his bed as he reached for the book he had left open on his pillow.

“Where _have_  you been?”

“Walking,” Loki said evasively, positioning himself against the headboard as he found his place in the text. “Shouldn’t you be bothering one of your friends?”

“I am,” Thor grinned.

“I’m your brother,” Loki scowled.

“As much a friend as brother,” Thor assured him. Loki could feel his stare, the thought stirring behind his thick skull. “What has gotten into you lately, brother? You seem so...dark.”

Loki looked up from the book, the shift of his irises slow and sardonic. “I am trapped on a foreign planet with you as my only companion.”

“Well, if you did more than brood into your books, perhaps I wouldn’t be. The others, they do not fault you your past.” Thor chimed, “Stop acting like the villain you fear they think you are.”

“I believe you’re mistaken,” Loki kept his voice even, despite the tightness in his throat, “They hate me. Every one of them.”

“Banner doesn’t, he told me so. And Wanda, she was asking about your magick,” Thor said, “That’s a great starting point--”

“There is a certain part of Banner I don’t trust, and as for the witch, she’s much too dull for me,” Loki retorted.

“Y/N is always friendly,” Thor continued, Loki blanched and held his book higher to hide it, “The little lab assistant. And she didn’t know you when you were...confused.”

“I’ll stick to my books,” Loki insisted, “Now, if you would be on your way, I was just getting started on this one.

Thor sighed heavily and pushed himself to his feet with the arms of the chair. Loki glanced over at him as he shook his head a neared the door. “You really should think about getting out more, Loki,” Thor chided, “Else you’ll drive me as mad as you’re driving yourself.”

* * *

 

Loki hadn’t gotten much further in his book than earlier. After endless attempts to read the same page, he had tossed the book against the wall and grunted in frustration. He stared at the blank wall and crossed his arms, biting his lip as he reprimanded himself.  _Stop thinking of her._ Thor’s words only seem to have made his issues worse.

 _Tea_. That was what always helped. His mother had made him tea on Asgard, much better than that enjoyed on this planet, but nonetheless, it was calming. The warm liquid, the steeped herbs, the synthetic sensation of comfort. He rose, stretching his shoulders out as he neared the door. He stopped and listened for movement on the other side. It was clear.

He walked the hallways undisturbed and alone. He used to value his solace but these days it was growing tortuous. The lounge was open and he entered swiftly, relieved to find no one within; only the remnants of its former occupants. Candy wrappers and an aluminum can littered the table beside the sofa; he suspected he knew who was the culprit but he was done with cleaning up his brother’s messes.

Loki filled the kettle and flicked it on. These Midgardian gadgets were rather handy. He tapped his fingers on the counter as he waited for the water to boil, stilling his nerves to pull a mug from the cupboard and drop a mesh bag inside. It was all set; everything ready for his nightly brew. The kettle shook and came close to whistling just before he flipped the switch back. He poured the water over the tea, steam rising from the cup in swirls.

When he was content that it was strong enough, he fished out the bag with a spoon and dumped it in the rubbish bin. He turned, reaching for his cup without looking as he tried to make his escape entirely unbothered. But he hadn’t heard her enter and he hadn’t expected to see her at all. Especially not in the same room.

He failed to grab the handle of his mug and instead slid it over the edge of the counter. It fell in slow motion and yet too fast. The glass shattered over the tile, the tea splashing up his leg and along his boot. His eyes were wide, caught in the sight of the Midgardian as she turned to him. She looked so beautiful; her eyes seemed even brighter and her lips even softer. He recalled the kiss they had shared, the way it had swept away every thought and worry.

“Gods,” He swore, bringing himself back to the world. He waved his hand and his mess attended to itself; the cup taking on its former shape and the tea dissolving into the void. He knelt to fetch the cup and rinsed it quickly, afraid he would only drop it again in his frazzled state. He placed it in the dish rack and sighed.

“S-sorry, I’m so careless,” He muttered as he tried to hide his face, almost racing to the door. His cheeks were on fire. He stopped himself as he reached the doorway and turned back, a bit too sharply. He should stop running. It would only make things worse to avoid the problem. He at least owed her an effort. “Y/N,” He raised his finger as he thought, “I really am--”

“Woah,” He was interrupted as he suddenly felt a force catch him from behind. He struggled not to tumble over and felt a firm grip upon his arm. “Sorry. I didn’t expect you to be standing there,” The super soldier’s voice identified his assailant. “You okay?”

Loki wriggled free of his grip and turned on Bucky. He glared down his nose, the stabbing in his chest returning. Of course she was waiting for _him._  “Not at all,” He forced out, a bitter taste upon his tongue. No tea and no Y/N.  _Great._  “I was just leaving.”

“Right, well, have a good one,” Bucky stepped aside and let Loki through, his gaze following the Asgardian all the way down the hallway. Loki could feel the super soldier’s eyes as he stomped away, cursing himself and his stupidity. He would never be anything but a trickster.

Loki couldn’t bare to retreat to his room and wallow in his misery, so he walked. His feet guided him as his nerves flurried and his mind raced. He berated himself, his lips moving subtly along with his thoughts. So stupid.  _Why was he here?_  Sure, he worked with these Avengers but was he truly helping. It seemed that he was only ever invited along when Thor was their to supervise him. He may as well be floating around in space.

Soon, he was stood before Y/N’s door, staring at it as he relived that dreaded night. When he had signed his own fate. He smiled though when he thought of holding Y/N, of kissing her, of her embracing him in return. He thought of that often; dreamt of it these days. Longed for it more. Like all things one could never have, it was entirely infatuating. He touched her door as if blessing it and turned away; he could only bring her misery.

On his way back to his room, he came up on the lounge. He could not convince himself that it was unintentional. He wanted to see her again; any chance to do so was all he had. All he would ever had. But he regretted it this time. Peeking inside, just beyond the threshold, he saw her against Bucky, kissing _him._  The sight drained Loki of all his strength; he was carried away in a tide of loathing and self-pity.

He swallowed and passed by, holding his breath until he turned the next corner. He was biting the inside of his cheeks and when he reached his room, he felt ready to burst. He stormed inside, slamming the door and swore. His voice was loud and unrestrained, filling the small space. He took the lamp upon his night table and flung it against the same wall which had felt the impact of his book.

He was such a fucking idiot!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Reader have a proper date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I know I’ve not been very active lately but I just spent five days sitting at a desk uploading work for my second job and my back is aching and my brain is a quaking. Anyhow, here’s the fifth chapter, and a special treat, a Bucky POV chapter. I thank everyone for their patience and to those who are reading, you’re so very lovely. And on a final note, any and all feedback is amazing, it helps me write and let’s me know if I need to rethink plot, etc. Again, thank you and enjoy <3

**Bucky POV**

When he had first kissed Y/N, Bucky had frightened himself. He thought he had hurt her and it had been worse than the nerves which had been stirring in his stomach since he had returned from his mission. He has spent weeks worrying;  _what if she had changed her mind? Or what if that long month away she had met someone else?_  He hadn’t stop thinking about her since he’d left.

But she had smiled at him, even through her frustration at repairing his arm. When she touched his arm, it made it feel as if it was truly his. He couldn’t help but watch her in her work, the way she bent closer, her eyes sharp in their concentration.  Yet later, when they sat next to each other on the sofa, watching a movie he couldn’t quite focus on, her gaze had softened and when she looked at him, she seemed an angel floating before him.

He couldn’t help but kiss her then. He leaned in and her warmth mingled with his; he breathed her in, intoxicated by the softness of her lips. But then she pulled away so suddenly, he was certain he had been too rough. That those years in the dark had left him too hardened for anyone too break through.

She was breathing deeply and her hand went to her chest as her eyelashes fluttered. Her lips trembled as she fought for words.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N,” He said, himself close to shaking. “I didn’t--”

“No, no,” She assured him, her hand resting on his. “It’s not you...I just--I’m sorry. I don’t know what that was.”

“Are you okay?” He turned her hand over, squeezing it as he longed to never let her go. “You’re shaking.”

“Yeah, yeah,” She said, her hand clutching his in turn, “I--I’m fine.”

“Look,” He kept his voice low, trying not to rile her further. He edged closer to her, “Let’s slow it down. We’ll just watch the movie.”

“Okay,” Her voice had risen even higher as she sidled closer and he carefully draped his arm around her. He held her as if to assure her he would wait until she was ready. “I’m sorry,” Her voice was quiet and ashamed.

“Don’t be,” He hugged her tighter, “I understand. This is the first date I’ve had in over seventy years.”

She tried not to smile but he saw the subtle curve of her lips and the low chuckle which escaped her. “Thank you,” She said and he rubbed her arm as she ceased trembling.

“Hey, watching a movie with a pretty gal like isn’t so bad,” He teased as he settled in, “Not bad at all.”

Her hands rested on her cheeks as she tried to hide her nervousness and it reassured him that he wasn’t the only. He wasn’t the only one trying to be normal; trying to be calm. Yet, there was a tinge of anger to her expression as her eyes focused on the screen.  _Was she mad at herself or him?_

* * *

 

When the movie was over, Bucky was nearly falling asleep. He hadn’t realized how exhausted he truly was. With Y/N against him, he had found it hard not to doze in her warmth. He watched her rise as he rubbed his thigh, cramped from sitting in the same spot for nearly two hours. She swept the errant popcorn kernels into the empty bowl. He stood and took the bowl from her, empty it into the trash and washing it as she shifted on her feet.

“You know,” He said as he rinsed the bowl, “In my day, it was unseemly to let a woman do all the work.”

“In your day, a woman spent most of her time in front of the oven,” She countered, nearing as he set the bowl in the rack and dried his hands. He turned to her and smiled, offering his real hand to her. She took it and smiled.

“Come on, I’ll walk you to your room,” He forced back a yawn as he guided her to the door.

“Sure,” She replied in a small voice.

As they entered the hallway, all conversation died and they walked in tense silence. He had totally blown it. He must have. He kept glancing over only to find her eyes darting away.  _God, why had he thought he could ever do this again?_

She stopped and he turned to her, reluctant to release her hand but she didn’t pull away. She bit her lip, shyly looking up at him as she squeezed his hand tighter. “Um, this is me,” She nodded to the door, “Thank you for tonight.”

“Uh, yeah,” He said, “It was...fun.”

“Yeah…” She looked around and sighed. Her eyes fell to his hand and she slowly untangled her fingers from his. “Fun…”

“D-do you wanna go on a proper date?” He blurted out. Her eyes rounded in the surprise thought he felt more so at his sudden outburst. He was so anxious that it had just spilled out. He couldn’t stand to leave it on such indefinite terms. “Dinner. In a restaurant. Far away from this place.”

“Yes,” She said breathily, as if relieved. “I’d love to, Bucky.” She stepped closer exhaled too, his heart no longer beating so loud as he leaned in.

“Can I kiss you?” He whispered, though her lips were barely an inch away.

She didn’t answer but instead crushed her lips againsr his, wrapping her arms around his neck as he stooped to return her kiss. It was better than the first. This time she didn’t pull away until he did, out of breath and flustered. He didn’t want to say good night. Not yet.

“Well,” She tilted her head, her eyes straying coyly as she looked around. “This is good night, I guess.”

“I guess,” He quelled the rising fervour within. “Good night.”

She turned and rested her hand on her door handle, pausing as she looked back at him. “I’m free Saturday night if you are.”

He grinned and nodded. No doubt looking like a dope. She slipped through her door with one last good night and he forced his metal fingers loose from their fist. He hadn’t realized he had been clenching them so hard. He stretched out his arms as he turned down the hallway and set off for his bed. He was awfully tired and he was quite certain dreams of Y/N awaited him.

* * *

 

Saturday came quicker than Bucky could have hoped for. Maybe too quick. He frowned into the mirror as he brushed out his hair for the sixth time. It didn’t matter what he did, it would be in tangles with a minutes of combing. He sighed and slammed down the brush, trying too smooth down the flyaways. He should just cut it already.

A knock came at the door and he rolled his eyes at his reflection before answering it. Steve entered with a suit bag slung over his shoulder, his fingers hooked through the hanger. His brows drew together as he looked over Bucky and shook his head.

“What’s wrong with you?” He laid the bag out across the bed, “You look...angry.”

“My hair.” He grumbled.

“Your hair’s fine,” Steve assured him.

“No, it’s not,” Bucky bristled. He crossed to the bed and slowly unzipped the bag, revealing a dark blue suit jacket over a grey button-up. “What’s the point in wearing this thing if my hair is all knotted.”

“Geez, Buck, you need to calm down,” Steve nudged him as he stepped up beside him, “I’m sure Y/N sees more than a pretty face and nice head of hair...she’d have to to say yes.”

“Hey,” Buck turned on Steve, squinting at him darkly.

“Turn around,” Steve swirled his finger in the air. Bucky slowly obeyed and listened to his oldest friend move around the room. Steve pulled the brush through Bucky’s hair and gathered it at the back, wrapping a tie around it easily. “There. You’re fine. I saw Nat looking at a magazine. A lot of guys wear their hair like this now.”

“Sure,  _Nat_ ,” Bucky scoffed, “Well, thanks for the suit.”

“No problem,” Steve clapped his shoulder, “Good luck.”

“I’ll need it,” He cringed, “Steve…” He looked at Steve as if he had been startled, “I can’t remember how to do all... _this_.”

“You always were a natural, Buck,” Steve smiled, “It’s like riding a bike. You just need to get back on.”

* * *

 

Y/N was standing just outside the building, her arms crossed as the New York breeze caught her hair and stirred it around her head. She wore a sleek black dress and had wrapped her shoulders in a sheer navy shawl. Bucky had never seen her wear heels before. Her legs looked amazing. All of her looked amazing. He couldn’t even recall her wearing a dress before. He hadn’t thought she could be any prettier, but there she was.

Bucky felt better since his pep talk and getting dressed had helped. The perfectly pressed shirt and jacket made him feel human again. It was akin to what he had worn seventy years ago before clothing had become so confusing. Plus, it wasn’t so obvious that one of his arms was made of vibranium.

“Y/N,” He called to her as he stepped out the door, “I hope you haven’t been waiting long.”

“Nah,” She waved away his concern, “I’m always early.”

“Well, uh…” He smiled, breathing deeply as his nerves roared in his ears, “You look amazing.”

She smiled, playing with the hem of her shawl. “Thanks,” Her lips curled in a reluctant smile. “You look pretty nice, too. I, um, like what you did with your hair.”

“Really?” He couldn’t help but run a hand over his hair. “Thanks.”

“Should we head out?” She asked, looking to the line of taxis on the street, “What time’s the reservation?”

“...Soon,” He glanced at his watch. “Come on,” He offered his arm and she hesitated before taking it.

He realized that it may have been an outdated courtesy but she didn’t seem to mind as she fell into step with him. He led her to an idling cab and opened the door, waiting for her to enter before sliding in behind her and giving the driver their destination. The drive was silent but not awkward. It was that anxious sort of quiet which follows a day full of anticipation.

When the car stopped, Bucky was the first out on the sidewalk, holding the door open as he waited for Y/N to join him. She smiled up at him as she thanked him, the mix of streetlights and the neon lights of the building casting immaculate shadows across her face. She took his arm again and he made his way forward, trying not to march as he did. 

When they entered the restaurant, they were greeted by a tall blonde hostess and Bucky gave his name, waiting patiently as the staff found their table. At last sat across from the woman he couldn’t stop thinking of, he was ready to burst. And eat. He was terribly hungry after two days without an appetite.

“This is a nice place,” Y/N commented after they placed their drink orders. She glanced over the menu but quickly laid it upon the table as she dared to look up at him. He could see she was hesitating so he nodded and waited for her to find her courage. “Can I ask you something? You don’t have to answer, but...I don’t know. I’ve always wanted to ask.”

“Of course.” He answered but she paused as the server set down their glasses and asked after their meals. Y/N read awkwardly from the menu, followed by Bucky who was eager to hear her question, not caring that he had forgotten to request no onion.

“Well...I don’t--It’s really hard to ask. I don’t want to upset you.” She stuttered. “I always...well, it’s about the war, you know. Um, I volunteered when I was in high school at the local nursing home and I used to listen to the old folks talk about those days. I always looked forward to it, hearing about a different time. A time so surreal to our, or erm, my own, and I don’t know… there’s not many left of that era.” She was wringing her hands, “I’m sorry, I should just stop before I go too far.”

“No, no,” He assured her, “Look, I’m an old man. I’ve lived through it all. What do you wanna know?”

“It’s not that I want you to relive anything, I just...what’s changed the most since then? I always wonder, you know, about how much has changed and so quickly. It must feel like an entirely different planet,” She raised a hand, as if signalling herself to stop. “Sorry, I’m rambling.”

“Not at all,” He chuckled and sipped from his beer. “Well, the most striking difference I think is, um…” He looked around the restaurant, searching his mind. Everything seemed foreign now; everything but her. “Aside from the technology, just the sense of convenience. Everything is so...accessible. You can ask a computer instead of flipping through a dictionary, or even have your groceries delivered to your door. I mean, I remember when I was just a kid, going to the grocer was a treat.”

“It must seem like we take everything for granted,” She said with a shameful look.

“I don’t think so. I think we did,” He wasn’t planning on thinking so hard that night, but she seemed to make everything a little bit easier. “It was simpler then. I’m not saying it to be a crotchety old man, I just mean...I think everyone takes what they have for granted, in a way. Time passes so quickly and we just _let_  it.” He shrugged and pushed back a stray lock which had slipped from his hair tie, “I don’t know if that makes sense.”

“No, I get what you’re saying,” She rubbed her jaw. She had a habit of chewing her lip when she was lost in thought.

“It’s why I asked you to dinner,” He interrupted her daze, “I didn’t want to let another good thing pass me by. Life’s short.”

She blinked at him and dimples formed in her cheeks as she tried not to laugh. “Sorry,” She cupped her hand over her mouth, “Just...you’re how old? You can’t say that.”

“I’ve not lived much of my life,” He said, “But I’m going to start. Right now. With you, if you’ll have me.”

“Your generation is so cheesy,” She teased as she rested a hand on her wine glass, tapping a finger against it softly, “I guess I can give you chance.” She grinned, “If you give me one.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader and Bucky enjoy the calm before the storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so here’s another chapter from our readers POV. So for anyone uncomfortable with it or precluded by age, this is a lemony good chapter (smut) and so do not read if you don’t like that sort of content. So the plot in this one is limited to Bucky and the reader but next chapter should be a Loki chapter, so I thank you for your patience. Please leave comments and feedback. Just a reply saying you read helps keep me going, tbh. Thank you! <3 Enjoy.

It had been two weeks since your first proper date with Bucky and you were still walking on clouds. You had opted to keep the relationship as secret as you could among the team. You didn’t need the added pressure, especially as the shadow of Loki still loomed in your mind. And in reality.

You couldn’t be certain, but the green flashes at the edge of your vision, the heat of his gaze quickly torn away when you turned to him, the muttering under his breath when you and Bucky shared any sort of interaction. Admittedly, there had been few opportunities to confirm your suspicions but as he had involved himself thus far, you couldn’t so easily forget what he had done. And you wouldn’t mention it either. You didn’t need to think about it more than you already did and Bucky didn’t need to know.

You wanted to enjoy your last night with him before his latest mission. He hadn’t told you much and you hadn’t asked. In your job, you had become comfortable with confidentiality. Sometimes the less you knew, the better. Besides, you and Bucky tried not to talk about work. You were to him what he was to you; a step back from business. The one part of your life where you didn’t have to be professional. It was a startlingly easy transition. You had fallen into each others’ company and you hadn’t yet hit the ground.

You were sat in Bucky’s room, binge watching the latest Netflix series, but not paying much attention. You had yet to welcome him to your own room as you couldn’t help but reminded of the first you had. When it hadn’t actually been him. Your legs were over his, your head nestled into his shoulder as you cuddled atop his bed. In between small kisses, and more sloppy ones, you managed to check in on the plot. It wasn’t all that interesting, hence the distraction of the man beside you.

“I don’t wanna go,” He said as he pulled you onto his lap. You turned, straddling him, and kissed him square on the lips.

You parted reluctantly. “Don’t let me get in your way,” Your voice was low, weak. You didn’t want him to go either but you didn’t want to say it. “Sometimes, the best part of a relationship is being apart.”

“Relationship?” His hand was on your hip. “Is that what this is?”

This was as close as you had ever been. Both of you treading with caution around the other. You didn’t want to rush him; he was from an era when that sort of thing was ideally reserved for marriage. And to be honest, you weren’t sure you were ready. Sometimes, when you were making out, you caught yourself thinking of Loki and that night he had tricked you. The thought of pulling away only to find the trickster staring back, yet the feel of his lips had been just as sweet.

“What do you mean?” You asked.

“Well, dating’s changed a lot since my time. I didn’t know if, well, this was something more casual.” He explained shyly.

“Is it?” You countered, your hands on his chest, bracing for disappointment.

“I’m all in,” He smiled, tilting his head back.

“Me too,” You breathed as you leaned down to kiss him again. This one was longer as you lingered in his touch. You didn’t know when he would return and you wanted to make the most of your time with him. “You come back with that arm in one piece.” You warned as you sat up. “I mean it. I have too much work to be fixing that damned thing all the time.”

“I’m sure you’ll find the time,” He chuckled, “It should be fine. Easy mission with a bigger team. Me, Steve, Sam, Thor…and Loki. I forgot about him. Tony’s covered all the bases.”

_Loki?_  You tried to hide the foreboding in stirring in your stomach. What were you so anxious about? Surely he wouldn’t harm Bucky. He was an ass, but not entirely heartless. Your only reassurance was that neither of them were overly talkative beyond their closest companions; Bucky with Steve, and Thor with Loki. A little repressed animosity on the part of a single Asgardian wouldn’t hurt that much.

“So maybe it’ll be a quick trip,” You said hopefully.

“Maybe,” He brought his hand up, cupping your cheek, “The quicker I’m back here, the better.”

“And maybe…” You bit your lip shyly, “When you get back, we can…I don’t know…commit to this relationship.”

“Y/N?” He tilted his head, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips, “Do you mean…?”

“I don’t know,” You glanced away coyly, “I’ll surprise you. Maybe it’ll just be dinner or a movie–”

“Don’t you tease me,” He tickled your waist, a stream of giggles spilling from you. As you collapsed into him, he rolled you over, pinning you to the bed. “Yes.” He kissed you deeply, fingers grazing along the belt of your jeans, “When I get back.”

* * *

It was only a week before the team returned. You were overjoyed when Bucky appeared at your window and knocked, waving at you from the other side. You smiled and set aside your microscope as he entered.

“Look,” He flexed his vibranium arm, “Completely in tact. Not a scratch on it.”

“Oh wow,” You exaggerated and stood to kiss him, “It’s almost as if you’re expecting some sort of reward…”

“Not so much expecting as hoping for,” He wrapped you in his arms, swaying you in place. “Is it still a maybe?”

“It’s a yes…” His eyes sparked, “But I have to finish my work first.” His gaze dimmed in disappointment, “Come to my room at nine. I’ll be waiting.”

“Yes, ma'am,” He purred, “So you missed me then?”

“Hmm,” You played with the collar of his jacket, stained with the sweat of his mission, “A little. Did you miss me?”

“Too much,” He said, leaning in to kiss you again.

The intensity of his lips almost made you forget the project waiting unfinished on your desk not feet away. Mustering all your strength, you parted, your vision caught by a dark fleck in the glass behind him. As you glanced over his shoulder you found only an empty hallway.

“You okay?” Bucky asked, drawing your attention back to him.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” You shrugged off the mirage, “I just need to get this work done. I promised Tony.”

“Damn Stark, always ruining my fun.” He kidded, “I can take a hint. I’ll go.” He gave you one last peck and released you, walking backwards to the door, “Nine o'clock.” He reminded you, “On the dot.”

* * *

To be honest, you had been counting the days since Bucky had left. On your rare day off, you had ventured into the city streets and awkwardly dared to grace the aisles of a lingerie boutique. You had never really worn such a scanty ensemble, but it wasn’t to say you were inexperienced. It had just been a while.

You had relented after an hour walking around the shop and accepted the saleswoman’s help.  _‘Try this lilac number with the lace bodice. Subtle but sexy.’_ You had raised an eyebrow and taken the hanger, trying the corset and picking some panties to match.

Looking in the mirror in your bathroom, your stomach filled with flutters.  _This was it. What if Bucky saw you and laughed? You looked ridiculous, didn’t you? Ugh, just take it off and change back into your regular clothes._

A knock sounded at the door. Too late. You took a deep breath and one last look in the mirror.  _Bucky liked you…right?_

You made yourself leave the washroom. Your room was awash in violet light, a scarf draped over the lamp. You crossed to the door, squeezing the handle before willing yourself to open it. You kept hidden behind it, careful not to reveal your surprise.

“Come in,” You welcomed Bucky in. He all too eagerly accepted.

“Time could not have gone slo–” His voice died in his throat as you closed the door and turned to him. “Wow.” His mouth hung open.

“Is that a good ‘wow’?” You asked.

“An amazing wow,” He smiled dumbly, “Y/N, uh, wow.” He repeated and you giggled.

You neared him, trying to seem somewhat casual but you probably looked like a jitterbug. You ran your hands up his arms and he softly touched your hips. You stood on tiptoes and he leaned down to meet your kiss. At first, you were shy, overly conscious of your outfit, but it quickly turned ravenous. You wanted him so bad you forgot all insecurity.

You edged him towards the bed until the mattress hit the back of his knees and forced him down. He tumbled down onto it and you stood straight before him, running your fingers through his hair.

You let your hands trail down his shoulders and chest, along his firmly muscled stomach. You bunched the hem of his shirt in your fingers and slowly drew it upward. He lifted his arms and let you pull it over his head, shaking out his hair as he was freed from the plain cotton tee. You tossed it away from you and he gave a low growl.

You touched his bare chest, admiring the lines of his muscles. You shivered and kissed him, crushing your lips against him. You slid onto his lap and he held you to him, his hands exploring your bodice. You felt his arousal and it fueled your own.

You rocked in his lap, grinding against him. He moaned into your mouth and you parted from him. You stood and he followed, hastily unbuckling his belt. You helped him out of his jeans, dragging his shoes and socks with them. His briefs were tented from his excitement and a rush of heat flushed over you. You collided with him in your sudden lust, pushing him back onto the bed. He took you with him as he wriggled higher up on the mattress.

You were insatiable. Suddenly overtaken by your long restrained desire. You couldn’t recall why you had been so anxious. You sat back so that you straddled him. He reached behind you and fought to help you unclasp your corset. As it loosened you tugged it upward, wrestling with the lace until you were free. It joined Bucky’s clothes at the bottom of the bed.

He drank in the sight of your chest, teasing your nipples as he admired them. His mouth took the place of his hands and you twitched at the sensation it stoked in your pelvis. You hugged his head to your chest, desperate to pull him closer but he couldn’t possibly be more so. You hummed and hung your head back, once more grinding in his lap the fabric of your panties and his briefs dangerously thin and yet too thick.

You separated from him and rose as he pulled at the lace panties, rolling them down to your ankles and you lowered yourself beside him. He lifted his middle from the bed and wriggled out of his briefs, releasing himself with a sigh. He settled in next to you and drew you to him, once more kissing you as his member pressed against your thigh. You reached down and stroked it, eliciting a surprised grunt from him.

He kissed along your neck, once more plying himself to your chest. His hand wandered further down and traced the vee of your pelvis. His finger slipped between your lips, gliding easily over your swollen clit. He rubbed it delicately at first adding more pressure as you arched into him. He was leaned over you, pressing you on your back as he played with you, your own hand working his hard shaft.

You parted your legs further, welcomed him, begged for more. Your orgasm was sharp and unexpected, you pulled your lips from his, turn your chin up as you cried out. You lost your grip on his cock, writhing in ecstasy.

He climbed over you, holding himself up with one arm. The head of his member pressed against your sex, he reached down to rub it along your clit, sending afterwaves up your spine. He paused as his cock slipped down to your entrance, pushing your hair out of your face as he gazed into your eyes.

“You sure?” He asked and you nodded hungrily, unable to think of actual words.

Slowly he pushed into you. He felt even bigger than he looked. You bent your legs around him and exhaled as he brought himself to his limit. He pulled back, his first thrust careful and doting. Again, again, he worked against you, his speed building at a pace which had you pleading for more.

“Bucky, please,” You said in his ear, clawing at his shoulders. His metal arm resisted your nails but you did not notice the pain. “More. More.”

He obliged, this time his thrust was hard and fast, his grunts breaking loose. He buried his face against your neck, kissing you, nibbling at your flesh, moaning your name.

He suddenly turned frantic and withdrew from you, stroking himself across the finish line into his hand. His muscles glistened with sweat as he panted, looking down at you with fiery eyes. You sunk into the bed, trying to catch your own breath.

“Wow,” You gasped.

“Is that a good wow?” He asked.

“An amazing wow,” You smiled, “Wow.”

[ Reblog. Open ](https://www.tumblr.com/reblog/183037650411/4ngikc8P)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki struggles with his feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here’s your next Loki chapter. I didn’t intend on getting so deep with this one but it unfolded a lot more than I had expected but I hope you like a soft trickster. This is during the mission Bucky went on in part 6 so it’s backtracking in a sense but yada yada, the next part will go forward. Please leave comments and feedback :)

**Loki POV**

Loki waited with arms crossed. His leg shook with impatience as he sat on the metal bench inside the Midgardian aircraft. He sighed, quelling his nerves, and looked over at his brother who was half asleep already. Thor opened one sparkling eye and his mouth slanted in crooked grin.

“You really must learn to be patient, brother,” He chided, “Besides, you did insist on being about half an hour early.”

“The sooner we’re gone, the sooner this is over with,” Loki grumbled.

His lips curled as he tried not to yawn, Thor’s show of his own fatigue reminded Loki of his own. His night had been restless as he dreaded the days to come. When Stark had briefed them on their mission, a knot had formed in his stomach and had yet to untangle. A week, even two, stuck with that super soldier. Two of them actually. Not to mention his dope of a brother. He sighed and caught his toe tapping on the floor, forcing it to still.

Loki hadn’t truly planned on being so early. He would have rather kept the soldiers waiting than to be the one sitting in expectation. It wasn’t until he had seen  _her_ kissing  _him_. Holding his hand as they walked merrily down the hall. He had hidden himself as they passed, the rage and jealousy boiling until he felt a stabbing in his chest. It wasn’t the first time he had stumbled on the pair and he was certain it wouldn’t be the last. He had been hoping a mission would be time spent away from the reminder of what he had done to Y/N; of how he had sabotaged himself yet again.

Fate had never favoured Loki.

Finally, voices neared the open door and footsteps clanked up the metal ramp. Rogers entered first followed by his right hand, Barnes. They dropped their bags in the hold as they chattered and Loki kept his head down trying not to hear them. He was a trickster, but he couldn’t truly make himself disappear.

“So, was it Y/N who kept you so long?” Steve asked with a chuckle.

Bucky shushed him but confirmed his suspicion. “We’re still feeling things out, Steve.”

“I’m sure you are,” Steve nudged him as they neared the metal bench, “Thor,” The golden Asgardian rose to clap the super soldier’s shoulder, and then the other, as they shared quite the jovial greeting. “Loki,” Steve said stiffly to the odd fourth and the second-born prince merely nodded and prayed for his existence to end.

Steve sat beside Thor and Loki was further irritated when Bucky chose to sit beside him. The man was a plague on his person. “Hey,” He said quietly, his voice disappointingly friendly.  _How was Loki to despise this man when he gave him little reason to._  “Ready to get into it?” Loki merely gave the super soldier the side-eye before leaning his head back against the wall of the jet. The ramp receded and the door closed automatically, signalling their imminent departure. “I’m not a big fan of heights either,” Bucky commented, “I’ve had a rough track record, you know?”

“I’m not afraid,” Loki adjusted his collar, “In Asgard, our aircraft were much more advanced.”

“Oh,” Bucky clapped his hands together, interweaving his fingers as he leaned forward on his knees, “Pre-mission jitters?”

“Annoyance. Mourning for my previous solace,” Loki answered and he felt his brother’s gaze upon him. He looked over at Thor who had ceased his own conversation and saw in him a startling resemblance to Odin. He had always been so skilled in provoking his father, too.

“Loki,” Thor said, “Try to be nice.”

“Yes, Mother,” Loki hissed.

“Cut it out,” Thor reproached, “Why are you being such an ass?”

The super soldiers looked at each other in confusion. Steve shrugged and mumbled, “Siblings,” as he leaned back. Loki huffed, his eyes flared at his brother but he quickly pressed his lips together. He didn’t need to further demean himself in front of these Asgardian mutants. He shook his head, tucking his chin against his collar as he closed his eyes.

“Do try to keep it down,” He slithered. He could at least pretend he wasn’t there.

* * *

As expected, Loki did not manage to doze on their way to the rendezvous. In fact he was tormented by the man who sat beside him. It wasn’t that Bucky said or did anything. Not to him, at least. He just reminded Loki of Y/N. Of the way he longed for her to look at him, to think of him, to touch him the way she did this damned super soldier. They were the same thoughts which had been running around in his head for the last few weeks.

He followed his brother down the ramp like a sulking adolescent. Sometimes that was how Thor made him feel. He couldn’t help but still get those twangs of resent deep down whenever he was with his brother, especially around these Midgardians known as the Avengers. They were just like him; perfect.  _They got anything they wanted and what did he get? Nothing, because he just couldn’t be like them. He couldn’t be…normal._

From the jet, the four of them squeezed into a small car, Loki relieved to be sat beside Thor. Well, mentally but not physically. That oaf of a god took up more than half the seat, leaving Loki to press himself against the door. It was fine, it gave him a reason to look out the window, watching the flash of random headlights and stark outlines of trees as they sped down the dark highway.

He didn’t know why he had been asked along. He rarely went along on any of these triflesome missions with anyone but his brother. They surely didn’t need all four of them. Loki supposed they needed a level-head to balance out the three brutes. Really, he was more subtle in his style, whereas the others tended towards destruction over deception. Maybe Stark just didn’t trust him without his sibling nearby to reel him in. He didn’t need to be leashed like a dog, he did just fine on his own.  _Why couldn’t everyone just understand that it hadn’t been him those years ago? Not truly…had it?_

Thinking back on it, Loki was finding it hard to deny his autonomy in the invasion. Perhaps something deep inside of his was demented. Just look what he had done to Y/N. He could no longer blame it on his insecurity, what he had done had been entirely selfish, cowardly, and beyond all, cruel. Yet, he still couldn’t find another explanation.

_The touch of her fingertips on his skin, her lips against his, her body pressed close…that was why_. He wanted her. He wanted every bit of her and now he would never have it and all because of this stupid super soldier.  _No…all because of himself._

Loki was suddenly overwhelmed. The car felt suffocating as he felt the weight settle on his chest. That longing which never truly left him intensified and he missed his mother terribly. He wished she was here with him. He wished he was home. He needed her to tell him what to do. If she had been there, he never would have pulled such a repulsive trick. He would have known exactly how to endear himself to this Midgardian.  _Would have_ if the world had shown him any ounce of mercy in his life.

He no longer felt crowded but rather alone. Loki glanced over at Thor, his own blue eyes stared distant through his window. He should be happy he was there. They were the only family they had left. He supposed, for once in their lives, the two brothers were in much the same boat. Set adrift in the universe; refugees without a home. Perhaps Thor could help him, he had loved a Midgardian too.

_Love?_  No, that’s not what this was. _Infatuation._  That was all. How foolish of him to even think of that word. Loki twiddled his fingers as he thought, a green aura rising from them in swirls. He was anxious. Thor’s eye was drawn my the magick. He knew what it meant.

“Brother,” He whispered and smiled at Loki. Loki snuffed out the lights around his hands and looked away guiltily. He clasped his hands together and leaned over just a little, so that Thor could hear him.

“Thank you, Thor,” He whispered back. He didn’t need to say what for, they both knew. Thor had always been there and always would despite all Loki’s pitfalls. He was the only one who understood that the trickster was not so smooth as he pretended to be.

* * *

“Tell me what has gotten you so down?” Thor sat beside Loki, the tight space uncomfortable for both of them. They were doing surveillance and were forced to hide in cramped bell tower of a local church. Who would ever think a cathedral would be spying on you?

“I’m not…down,” Loki protested.

“You cannot fool me, brother,” Thor tilted his head, his eyes betrayed his thoughts as they whirled, “What did the super soldier do to you?”

“Nothing,” Loki shrugged.

“Right.” He narrowed his eyes, “I’d never describe you as an overly personable individual, Loki, but I do know you do not expend the energy to hate someone unless they gave you reason.”

Loki sighed, scratching his chin as he stared out the window. One of them had to pay attention. He chewed on the inside of his lip, trying to conjure up a lie but nothing came. He just sat there in telling silence.

“Okay, if it wasn’t Bucky, what did  _you_  do, Loki?” Thor asked. Loki winced. Sometimes his brother was smarter than he let on.

“I…” Loki’s voice cracked and he cleared his throat. “If I tell you, do you promise not to say anything to anyone?”

“On my honour, brother.” Thor vowed.

“Thor,” Loki elbowed him, “I’m serious. And you can’t get mad at me, either. I’m already mad enough for the both of us.”

“Well, now you have to tell me,” Thor struggled to keep his voice down, “Look, I swear I won’t say a word and I’ll listen with an open mind.”

Loki nodded, willing himself to confess. Perhaps he would feel better if he did. He inhaled and steadied his hands on his knees. “I lied to Y/N. More than that I…” The guilt made his skin burn, “I pretended to be that super soldier and I-I-I tricked her.” He dared to look over at Thor but did not receive the glare he expected. He saw the empathy in his brother’s face as he listened. “I don’t know why I did it. Well, I know now why I did but I didn’t really think about it at the time. I didn’t think about how stupid it was or how hurtful it was and…I’ve tossed away my only chance with her.”

“Oh, Loki,” Thor’s hand was on his shoulder. It was a surprisingly comforting gesture and Loki hung his head. “Have you apologized?”

“Well…no, not really. I tried but I was interrupted and…” He frowned as he raised his head, “I don’t think she wanted to hear it. She doesn’t want anything to do with me and I can’t blame her.” He shook his head, pushing back his hair, “What is wrong with me?”

“Hmm,” Thor breathed, the cool night air brushing across Loki’s face as he leaned his chin in his hands. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. I just think you need to give yourself a chance and then you’ll see that others will do the same.”

Those were his mother’s words. Loki knew it. She wasn’t truly gone, she lived on through them. They each had a part of her within them and it was these rare time that Thor astounded him. He always knew what to say, just like Frigga. Loki just needed to find that piece of her hiding inside of him.

[ Reblo ](https://www.tumblr.com/reblog/183221170771/uYohrumG)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Bucky are happy (so far) and Loki tries to apologize.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So things are moving a bit quicker than I intended but whatever, I’m the one who can’t read my own handwriting. Anyhow, chapter 8 is here and soon! you will get to choose which way to go. (I intend to make this a multi-ending/choose your own path type story) Please enjoy and leave some feedback as well :)

You awoke next to Bucky. His dark hair fanned out on the pillow, his metal arm bent across his bare stomach. You smiled to yourself as you admired his peaceful profile and shimmied closer. Your movement stirred him and he opened his eyes, looking over at you with a groggy smile. He spread his arm out to pull you to him and you rested your head on his shoulder, the vibranium surprisingly warm.

“It wasn’t a dream,” He breathed, kissing your forehead softly.

“Thank god,” You agreed, stretching your arm across him. You sighed, completely content.  _How many times had you imagined waking up like this?_ “So, before we got distracted, you never did say much about how your mission went.”

“Well, nothing serious really. At least, not from the enemy,” His metal fingers tickled your side as he traced circles along your skin, “It was…tense though.”

“Tense?” You echoed, “How so?”

“Well, I’m used to it just being me and Steve. Sometimes Sam too but…Thor’s a nice guy but his brother is, um, difficult.” He explained and you stiffened against him, “I don’t really know how to explain it. I mean, he wasn’t really mean or anything but he wasn’t exactly friendly.”

“That’s just the way he is,” You said darkly. You were suddenly less than content thinking about the trickster and his entitled attitude. You couldn’t help but feel guilty for how he treated Bucky. It was likely that it was due to your previous run-in with the Asgardian. “Well, you’re back now. No need to think too much about it.”

“Yeah…” Bucky’s word floated in the air as you tried to wipe the trickster from your mind.  _Did he have to ruin everything?_  You closed your eyes and recalled that night, in this very bed, when he had pretended to be the same man you laid beside at that moment. You sat up sharply and your eyes snapped open as the memory sent a wave of rage through you. “Y/N?” Bucky pushed himself up, touching your shoulder gently.

“I’m fine, sorry, I just…” You looked around, glancing the bathroom door, “I gotta go.” You smiled at him shyly before pulling away, feigning the panic which came from a full bladder as you fled to bathroom. You closed the door behind you and swore under your breath.  _Don’t let him ruin it,_ you told yourself,  _not now._

* * *

You sat in the lab, bent over some of Tony’s new sketches. He and Bruce had left to test one of their more explosive gadgets in an appropriate place and you had set to poring over Stark’s endless trove of genius. Your elbow was planted beside the folder and your lips moved subtly as you read the words, referring to the lines and circles drawn carefully by their author. You shook your head, knowing much of bringing this to life would be left up to you.

Your lower back began to ache and you sat up, stretching your arms above your head with a groan. You hated these stools Tony had in the lab but standing was worse as it strained your neck. You flipped the page, playing with the corner as you tried to keep your mind at the task at hand. You could easily retreat to your room and read the sketches but you expected that your co-workers would soon return and expect an in-depth discussion.

You bent the corner as a knock came at the lab door and your head popped up in surprise. Maybe Bucky had come to bug you again. It had become a habit since the beginning of your relationship, you were only thankful that he had started to do it when Tony wasn’t around to glower at you. You swiveled the stool, nearly toppling it as you saw who your visitor was. You stared dumbly at the door as Loki stood on the other side of the glass.

He attempted a smile and slowly opened the door, pushing inside carefully. “Um, may I?” He asked and you watched him silently. You slipped off the stool and crossed your arms. “I apologize if I’m disturbing you but, I, uh…Y/N,” His eyes searched your stony features. “Please, I need to talk to you.”

“About what?” You hissed.

“I…I want to apologize to you. Genuinely. What I did, I shouldn’t have done it.” He clasped his hands together tightly, keeping his distance as if he feared he would scare you away. “I don’t know what possessed me but it’s besides the point. What I did was wrong. Worse, it hurt you deeply and I am so very sorry for my actions and for the pain it must have caused you.”

“Am I supposed to believe you?” You snarled, shaking your head. “Really, you must think me dumber than that night I fell for your stupid trick.”

“Please, Y/N, I’m not lying to you. I mean every word,” He sounded convincingly desperate as he dared to step a little closer. “You don’t understand. I’ve been beating myself up over this ever since. I can’t stand the thought that I hurt you.”

“Loki, I don’t even know you. You don’t know me. And if you expect me to take you seriously, you’re out of your mind.” You scoffed, “You’ve been beating yourself up? Really? You don’t know the nights I’ve spent hating myself because of you. Questioning every little thing because I frankly can’t tell if it’s real or not. You’re a fucking joke.”

“I…” He sighed, his forehead wrinkled as he grasped for words, “I want to know you, Y/N. I just–I didn’t know how to…I didn’t know how to approach you and so I made a mistake. A big one. And I’m not expecting you to embrace me with open arms but I at least hoped you could accept my apology. Forgive me even for I am truly sorry.”

“You’re not sorry. You’re despicable,” You were so angry with him, your head hurt. You had held it in for so long that having him here before you, delivering some hollow apology had unleashed it. You shoved his chest as hard as you could, the act taking even you by surprise as he stared back agape. “You can’t even know what you’ve done to me. Ever.”

“You–You’re as stubborn as a mule,” He caught your arms as you tried to push him again, quickly releasing you as he backed away. “I’ve come here in all sincerity and all you can do is linger on my mistake. You can’t see past yourself for what I’m trying to do.” His own anger burst through the uncharacteristic earnestness which had masked him before. “I should have known you were like every other Midgardian. Too simple for reason.”

“Get out!” You shouted. “I mean–”

The door interrupted your next warning and you looked over to find Bucky entering the lab. He glanced between you and Loki who had turned to him as well. You rubbed your forehead, trying to brush away your scowl. “What’s going on?” Bucky asked.

“Nothing. Loki’s just leaving,” You said, resuming your stool and swiveling back to your work. “I have work to do.”

You heard the door open again and lithe footsteps faded as it closed. Bucky approached tentatively and leaned on the desk, looking down at you as you tried to feign concentration. He touched your shoulder and you realized you were shaking. “Y/N, what’s going on?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” You said quietly, pushing away the folder. “I just–Are you hungry? I’m hungry?”

“What–Uh,” He looked back at the door before slowly nodding. “Okay, let’s go get some lunch.” He stepped back so that you could climb out of your stool, collecting the folder and taking his hand.

“Let’s go somewhere outside the Tower,” You said as you led him to the door, “Somewhere I can think.”

* * *

Later that night, you sat in bed with folder in hand. You had failed to finish it by the time Tony returned and he hadn’t cared much anyhow. He and Bruce were too distracted by the device they had been testing all day. You wrote small notes in pencil along the margins in case they were useless anyhow, the warmth beside you tempting you away from your work.

“Don’t you ever stop?” Bucky teased as his hand found your thigh underneath the duvet.

“In an hour,” You promised him for the third time that night.

“You keep saying that like time is going to stand still,” He said, his fingers lightly grabbing the corner of the folder. “Come on, you can read the rest tomorrow when you’re actually on the clock.”

You looked over at him and sighed, relenting as you closed the folder reluctantly and placed it on the nightstand. You wriggled down so that your head was on the pillow and you nestled closer to Bucky as he wrapped his arm around you. “Much better,” He purred. “So, are you going to tell me what was going on earlier?”

“What do you mean?” You asked.

“With you and Loki. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so upset,” He mused, “What did he do? Plant a whoopee cushion on your stool?”

“I told you, I don’t want to talk about it,” You bristled, turning so that your back was to him. You didn’t want him to see how even the mention of Loki riled you. He pressed closer, his body flush against yours as he hugged you, his chin nuzzling against your shoulder.

“You’re going to have to tell me eventually, Y/N,” He said, “Or I’ll just ask him myself.”

“No.” You grabbed his arm tightly, “No, please don’t bother him.”

“Y/N,” He sat up, “Jesus, what in the hell did he do that’s got you so worked up?”

“I…” You pushed yourself up to meet Bucky’s gaze, “If I tell you, you have to promise not to get mad.”

“Why would I–What did he do?” His voice turned dangerous and you regretted your last question. “Tell me.”

“Swear to me you won’t do anything,” You begged.

“Fine, I won’t do anything but you have to tell me what’s going on.” He took your hand gently. “Please.”

You exhaled and pursed your lips, searching the room as you mustered your strength. “Back, um, you know before me and you–well, Loki, he, uh…” You blinked, trying to find the right words, “He pretended to be you and tricked me and I fell for it…He was apologizing today but I guess I’m still pretty mad about it.”

Bucky released your hand so quickly you barely had time to react as he climbed out of bed. His vibranium fist was clenched at his side as he started for the door in nothing but his sweatpants. You struggled to escape the tangle of the duvet and ran in front of the door just as he reached it. You blocked him with your body, your hands up as you tried to get him to back up. “You said you wouldn’t do anything.” You bartered, “Bucky, please, you don’t have to–”

“He humiliated you,” He grabbed the handle, his arm under yours, “What exactly did he  _do_  when he pretended to be me?”

You looked away embarrassed and he turned the handle, pulling open the door so that you were forced out of the way. He marched out of the room before you could stop him and you stared at his back in fear as he continued down the hallway. You hurried after him when sense returned to you, struggling to keep up and dreading what exactly he had in store for Loki.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader must deal with the fallout of her revelation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the last chapter before this story splits off. For those who don't follow me on tumblr, I have chosen to make this a fic with multiple paths/endings. So this means that future chapters will take a little longer to get out and as I'm still kinda fleshing them out, I've yet to determine how much longer the series will be overall. 
> 
> That being said, I hope you all enjoy this chapter and please please please leave a comment! Love yas!

Bucky was walking so fast you were tripping over your own feet to keep up. When you grabbed his arm to slow him down he shrugged you off easily. You had never seen him this way. Sure you had seen him withdrawn and steely, but the way his eyes seared burned even you. His intent glare stoked your fear further,  thoughts of what he would do to Loki formed a pit in your chest. Whatever happened would be all your fault.  You were mad at the trickster, sure, but he didn't deserve a possible maiming or worse for your obstinacy. You always meant well but you did have a habit of holding onto grudges. You should have just forgiven him and moved on. This could've been long forgotten if you had just listened to him the first time he had tried to talk to you. Of course, you could never take the easy road and now you were on one which could lead to his possible demise.

Bucky turned the last corner before Loki’s room and your heart began to hammer. You made one last attempt to stop him, jumping in front of him and nearly causing him to bowl you over. You pushed against his bare chest, pleading with him as he came to an impatient halt. “You said you wouldn't do anything,” you whined, “It's really not a big deal. It has nothing to do with you. Please.”

“Nothing to do with me? He pretended he _was_ me.” His voice was fiery, his muscles tensing against your palms. He shook his head, his fingers wrapping gently but firmly around your wrists, “Anything that hurts you has everything to do with me.” He moved you away from him and sidled past you to resume his former decisive pace.

You scurried along behind him and he stopped at Loki's door, pounding on it as you let out one last warning; a squeak more than anything. His name floated in the air as you clasped your hands together and held your breath, the world spinning around you as he beat again on the door, his impatience fueling his fury. The door clicked and slowly began to open, Bucky's vibranium fist clenched and you dashed forward.

The trickster appeared in the doorframe in confusion, “What is--” His voice dangled in the air as he saw his visitor's snarl and as you raced over to keep Bucky's arm from rising, Loki grabbed you, swiftly shielding you from the path of the super soldier's punch. He buckled against you as the vibranium collided with his shoulder and he grunted.

He released you in an instant and turned back to his adversary, a green flash knocking Bucky off kilter as he made to punch Loki again, this time narrowly missing his jaw. You were trapped in the doorway behind the Asgardian as he fended off your enraged lover, the scene churning your stomach. “Stop!” you shouted, trying to push between them, “Stop!” The two of them latched onto each other, crashing into the opposite wall, trying to wrestle the other into submission. You looked up and down the hall but you found yourself the only witness to the fracas. 

You tried to pull them apart but your efforts were nothing more than futility. You were easily ignored and too afraid to inject yourself between the men as they reached a deadlock. You gulped and retreated, once more looking frantically down the hall. _Fuck_. You set off down the next corner, finding your way to Steve's room, your nerves alight that you had left the two warriors unattended. You knocked unevenly, not letting up until the door gave way. Steve stood before you with heavy eyelids and messy hair.

“Y/N?” He glanced around suddenly very awake. 

“Come on, we gotta get Thor,” You blurted out, “Now!”

“What's going on?” He didn't hesitate in following you but seemed still rather perplexed by his rude awakening.

“I don't even know how to explain,” You blabbered, “It's all my fault.” You stopped so quickly Steve almost slipped and you banged on Thor's door in much the same manner you had Steve’s. You waited for what seemed forever and finally he answered, looking between you and your escort, sighing as he stepped out into the hall. “Loki?” He asked.

“They're going to kill each other,” You grabbed their arms and tried to force them down the hall. Finally Steve seemed to get it and they met your pace, following you back to the scene. You could hear the chaos before you crested the corner, Bucky and Loki had devolved to clinging to each other as they rolled around on the floor, a jab here and there as they struggled for the upper hand.

Thor took the lead, ripping them apart as he detangled his brother from the fray. Steve quickly restrained Bucky, the two of them with with bruises and blood as markers of their disagreement. Loki’s brow was cut and swelling, Bucky's lip was split and he was still fighting to break free. The trickster was released as he tidied his mussed hair and his torn shirt. “He attacked me!” Loki accused, “I swear.”

“Bucky,” You stood between the two, you formed a poor barrier but having back up made you braver. “You said you wouldn't do anything.” 

His eyes came back into focus as he glanced between you and the Asgardian behind you. He shook his head, assuring Steve he was done. Free, guilt replaced anger and he touched his forehead as if in shock. “I don't-- I don't know what came over me.” 

“I told you not to do anything,” You were breathless. You felt awful. You touched your chest shakily, trying to process the rush of events. “Why didn’t you listen to me?”

“I’m sorry, Y/N, but I was just so mad that someone would hurt you like that.” He paused and shot a glare over your shoulder, the fury once more shining in his eyes, “That _he_ would hurt you.”

“I didn’t tell you so you’d hurt him back. I told you because I trusted you,” You combed back your hair and sighed, “Or I thought I did.”

“Y/N,” He tried to touch you but you pulled away. He was stunned as you retreated.

“I...I think you should spend the night in your own room,” You whispered, the tears rising like acid. “Please, j-just go.” 

A silence rose around you, broken only by Steve softly patting Bucky’s shoulder, mumbling, “Come on, Buck. Everyone just needs to calm down.” Bucky searched your face for any tenderness but you found it hard to look at him. Finally, he relented, letting Steve guide him past you. 

Slowly, you recalled that you weren’t alone. You turned to Loki as he dabbed at his bloody brow with the sleeve of his shirt. You felt as if you were suffocating as you saw the state of him; that was because of you. His shirt was torn diagonal to the middle of his chest and his hair was tangled despite his efforts to smooth it out. You had been so cruel to him and now you realized how much. So many times you had witnessed this trickster return such vile behaviour in kind but he had no such venom for you. Even after you had driven an angry super soldier straight to his door. And he _had_ apologized to you. He wasn’t the kind to say sorry for nothing. You had been so awful to him. His deceit had more than been repaid. This needed to end.

“Loki,” You bit your lip. You expected anger from him but received only a tentative smile. “I’m...sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“You shouldn’t ever be sorry to me,” He lowered his hand, the blood rising along his brow as he did. “I deserved that. After what I did to you, I deserve every bad thing in this world.”

“Please,” You huffed, trying not to cry, “Don’t. I was so...stubborn. I was so mad at you that I couldn’t even hear you out. I only wanted to hold onto me and my pain. What you did sucked, but it wasn’t worth that.” Your voice cracked, “It was...a mistake. I realize that now.” Loki frowned, his face lined with concern as he peeked over at his silent brother.

“We all make mistakes, Y/N,” Thor approached, carefully touching you elbow.

“I know. That’s what I’m saying,” You spoke quietly, afraid that you would break down in front of the Asgardians. You were so upset with Bucky but it still hurt. He had become so violent so quickly and it was frightening. Worse, he had ignored his promise to you and easily forgotten you for his own anger. “I know what you did was a mistake, Loki. I know now that your apology was sincere. Hell, I knew it back in the lab but I was just so selfish.” You hung your head, “It shouldn’t have happened like this.”

“Y/N,” Loki made to step closer but Thor stopped him, whispering unheard words in his his ear before turning back to you.

“May I walk you back to your chamber?” Thor asked, “Don’t fret, my lady. I will see to it that my brother is tended to but you should rest. It’s been a dramatic night.”

“Yes, yes please,” You eked out, almost shaking as the golden Asgardian offered his arm and you accepted it shyly.

“Brother, I shall return,” Thor announced.

“Fine,” Loki sounded less than enthused before looking to you once more. His green eyes flitted back and forth, desperate to say more but he blinked in surrender. “Do not blame yourself, Y/N.”

“Come on,” Thor pulled you away and you reluctantly let him. You walked down the hall silently, the tears streaming down your cheeks as you walked along. You sniffed and he squeezed your arm kindly. “Loki is right, you cannot blame yourself. You can only do better.” You nodded and wiped your face, trying to hold it together as you came upon your bedroom. “Get some sleep,” The Asgardian advised as you stood before your door, “Perhaps it will all come clearer in the morning.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now it’s up to you; the reader! You get to choose (or you can just read both paths): Bucky or Loki. But before we go forward, let me know what you want: do you want both chapters at the same time, or should I post Bucky one day and Loki the next? Please let me know in the comments.
> 
> For Bucky, go to Chapter 10. For Loki, Chapter 11. (These chapters will be posted shortly, bear with me as I write these and get them up.)


	10. Bucky Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is Bucky's ending and Loki's will be on the way hopefully within the next week. Hope you all enjoyed this ride and I thank you all for reading along. Leave a comment if you will and please, enjoy.

Your night was restless. You had grown so used to Bucky’s presence that sleeping without him was near impossible. You tossed and turned, thinking of what to say to him. What to say to Loki. There was no way around it, this web had tangled all three of you and you couldn’t leave anything unsaid. You needed to sort it all out before you could go on. Living in this tower with them would make the situation entirely unbearable.  _Hell, it had led to this._

When you woke that morning, you felt a sense of urgency. You had so much to say, all those thoughts which had been contending for those last months. Trying to wade through the confusion of being caught between two men. Both as enigmatic and surprising as the other. It was time to let a lot of stuff go and move on for what was was ahead of you.

You spent the first half of the day in the lab, tempering the flurry of emotions and rush of thoughts which consumed you. You were still reading over Stark’s plans and trying to see it in front of you. For once, your co-workers were there, bickering over some gadget or the other. Banner was unimpressed with Stark who was using his laser beam to heat up the pizza pocket he’d microwaved and forgotten about. You merely shook your head and tried to digest Stark’s scribbles.

“So, I heard you had quite the night,” Stark shrugged off Banner’s ranting, turning to his new victim. “Looked even crazier.”

He propped his phone up in front of you, the security footage from the hallway replaying Loki and Bucky in their duel, crashing from one wall to the other until they were bound up in each other on the floor. You covered your face as you came back onto the screen, Thor and Steve at your shoulder.  _God dammit_. “I knew you and the super soldier were going along like lovesick teens but I had no idea Shakespeare was playing third wheel.”

“It’s really not what you think,” You groaned through your fingers, “Really, it’s…nothing.”

“Doesn’t seem like nothing,” Banner chimed in, “I mean, I have the other guy and sometimes he gets the best of me but I don’t think it’s ever gotten like, uh, that.”

You shook your head at them. These two middle-aged men were poking into your business like a pair of dads. You didn’t have time for this. In fact, you had been trying to ignore it all until you had finished memorizing these damned diagrams. “Look, I’ve got work to do.”

“By all means, give it a break,” Tony leaned across the desk, bend back the folder in your hands, “If you have more pressing matters to attend to. Anything that would save me any further interior damages, I’d be grateful.”

You sighed and lowered the booklet slowly, pushing it across the table. “If it means I can leave early then sure.”

“Go on,” Bruce said, “You’ve been working too hard as it is. Besides, I ran into Bucky this morning, he didn’t seem very happy. Well, he seemed more brooding than usual.”

“Right,” You slid off your stool as you packed up your station. You avoided another glance at the pair of intrusive scientists and dragged your feet out of the lab.

The halls were eerily silent as you walked along, tracing your fingers along the walls as you drew the path to your first destination. You stood staring at Loki’s door for a moment, knuckles hovering before it and finally made yourself knock. Your toe tapped as you waited but no answer came. You nodded and turned to continue down the hallway; you could always come back. Or maybe he wanted nothing else to do with you.

The door opened before you could go further, Loki slowly revealed himself from the other side. A meek smile on his lips as he looked expectantly at you. “Can we talk?” You asked in a brittle voice.

“Of course,” He exhaled as if in relief, “Come in, um, if you please,” He let the door fall full open and stepped back.

You entered cautiously, looking around at the cluttered but neat chamber. An armchair sat beside a wall of books, his bed was perfectly pressed, and the green curtains matched the shade of his duvet. There was a desk too, covered in stacks of books and an old-fashioned quill above a notepad. Just as you imagined it, really.

“You can sit if you like,” He offered up the leather armchair but you stayed by the door, “Or stand, is fine too.”

“Thanks, I–” You rubbed your neck, trying to formulate those thoughts which had run rampant through your mind for hours now. “Look, I know things between us have been rough and… confusing.”

“I really am sorry,” He frowned, “I don’t know why I did it. I knew it was wrong but I did it anyway… because I wanted to be near you.”

“I realize now that I misunderstood your intentions. It doesn’t make what you did right but I at least should have heard you out.” You clasped your hands together, “Maybe if I had listened and this had gone a different way, things might have turned out better. Maybe…” You chewed your lip, “I’m sorry I was so stubborn but we can’t go back now,” You tried to smile at him though you knew what you would say would hurt him, “But I was hoping that going forward we could be friends.”

“Friends?” He looked as if he had been slapped. The colour drained from his face and his lips turned downward, his forehead creased with disappointment. “I suppose, I…Yes, I would like that.”

You stared at each other silently, the accord floating in the air. You tried to smile and he did the same. You felt the weight lift from your chest and he slowly offered his hand. “Friends?”

“Friends,” You took his hand and shook it, “I truly hope you find the love you deserve, Loki.”

He gripped your hand, his lip quivering. “Thank you.” He reluctantly let you go, “I hope he loves you as much as you should be loved.”

With that, you left him. You could see the pain in his expression but you could sense that he had meant what he said. That moment of vulnerability said more than any apology he could have offered. You had broken his heart but he had faced you with graciousness. Perhaps, it could have been different in another lifetime.

You found Bucky in the training room. He was alone, his fists pummeling the thick padding of a dummy. His breath intermingled with grunts; you suspected this was more than just a drill. He was upset. You watched him, his muscles straining as he didn’t let up. His dark hair straying from its tie. He finally relented, his chest heaving as he turned and rolled his wrists. He blanched as he saw you, his face marred with a sudden flash of guilt.

“Hey,” He said softly as he approached you, “Y/N…” You gave a small smile and neared him, reaching out to take his hand. “I’m sorry for last night, I–”

“Please, I don’t want any more apologies. I just want…I…” You stared up at him, his shining blue eyes the very same you had fallen in love with; the same you had mooned over in your lap and avoided shyly as he sat across from you. His anger hadn’t been sinister but righteous. He had merely lost himself in his emotions, acted on your behalf. You were frightened by that side of him but you trusted him enough to know that it wasn’t really him. “Can we go back? To before all of this mess?”

“I should be asking you that,” He watched your thumbs trace the lines of his palm. “Can we?” He looked to your face tentatively, the corners of his lips taut, his breath trapped in his chest.

“Yes,” You sighed, “Please,” You drew him close, your hands gliding up his arms, settling on his shoulder as his rested on your waist, drawing you pressed yourself to him, “That’s all I want.” You stood on your tiptoes, your lips almost touching his, “Let’s go back and stay there forever.”

You kissed him, no longer feeling so incomplete. You never wanted to sleep in an empty bed again, not knowing that he may never lay beside you again. You couldn’t stand the thought of it. You couldn’t bare any glimpse of yourself alone. Your future was intertwined, of that you were certain, and your past flitted away like the seconds on a clock. All was as it should be.


End file.
